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Substance Abuse
He wants to try again...
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 738878" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Oh Trying..... I so understand your fear that something will happen to him. I think all of us with children who are addicts live with that fear.... whether it is an overdose, or suicide, or some other crazy thing from being an addict. It is a huge risk with addiction. That fear is the reality we all live with. Like RN to some extent I have had to accept the reality of that fear. It is there but it cannnot rule my life. Giving him money and helping him wont necessarily make him safe. Finding ways to go on with your life no matter what is really the only thing you can do for you, for your husband and for your daughter.</p><p></p><p>One thing I have learned from my adult daughter, who is a very together young woman is that she doesnt want me to give her advice unless she asks for it. It is easy for me to respect that as I trust her and I know she has a good head on her shoulders and I trust her. But the thing is the same thing is true of my son. He doesnt want my advice unless he asks for it. I have had to learn to keep my mouth shut, even though sometimes it means biting my tongue bloody. I suspect the same thing is true of your son. He doesnt want advice... he doesnt want to be told what to do and so he reacts negatively and lashes out when you give him advice. And really if he is using he cant really hear you anyways.</p><p></p><p>I think at this point all you can do is to try and keep the relationship intact as possible, which is very difficult with an active addict. Their primary relationship is with their drug or alcholol not you. That substance is more important to them than you right now. There is nothing you can do about that. So I would do what you can to keep your cool, not give advice, let them know you love him and keep your boundaries. Dont give him money. If he needs something you are willing to give, then pay for it directly, do not give him cash. It would make sense to me if you let him know that when he is ready for treatment you will help him get it but dont try to push him to get it. It will be more effective when he asks for it.</p><p></p><p>Keep letting us know how it is going. </p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 738878, member: 15801"] Oh Trying..... I so understand your fear that something will happen to him. I think all of us with children who are addicts live with that fear.... whether it is an overdose, or suicide, or some other crazy thing from being an addict. It is a huge risk with addiction. That fear is the reality we all live with. Like RN to some extent I have had to accept the reality of that fear. It is there but it cannnot rule my life. Giving him money and helping him wont necessarily make him safe. Finding ways to go on with your life no matter what is really the only thing you can do for you, for your husband and for your daughter. One thing I have learned from my adult daughter, who is a very together young woman is that she doesnt want me to give her advice unless she asks for it. It is easy for me to respect that as I trust her and I know she has a good head on her shoulders and I trust her. But the thing is the same thing is true of my son. He doesnt want my advice unless he asks for it. I have had to learn to keep my mouth shut, even though sometimes it means biting my tongue bloody. I suspect the same thing is true of your son. He doesnt want advice... he doesnt want to be told what to do and so he reacts negatively and lashes out when you give him advice. And really if he is using he cant really hear you anyways. I think at this point all you can do is to try and keep the relationship intact as possible, which is very difficult with an active addict. Their primary relationship is with their drug or alcholol not you. That substance is more important to them than you right now. There is nothing you can do about that. So I would do what you can to keep your cool, not give advice, let them know you love him and keep your boundaries. Dont give him money. If he needs something you are willing to give, then pay for it directly, do not give him cash. It would make sense to me if you let him know that when he is ready for treatment you will help him get it but dont try to push him to get it. It will be more effective when he asks for it. Keep letting us know how it is going. TL [/QUOTE]
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