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He was fired today
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 623896" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Oh, I feel badly for him, Daze. Like all of us, he will grow through surviving the challenges that come his way. I was so happy to read that he'd had the courage to call his manager. He is doing the right things Daze, he is standing up for himself. He stuck with the job in the first place, even though he was scared to death, scared to be labeled different, unemployable ~ those are big fears Daze, and he struck with it.</p><p></p><p>I hope he is offered the job, again.</p><p></p><p>Even if he loses this one, he has learned that there are ways to face our fears and keep trying through taking and keeping this job as long as he did.</p><p></p><p>Now, we have to wait and see what comes next.</p><p></p><p>I wholeheartedly agree that we need to try to keep our emotions separate from the day to day happenings in the lives of our kids. In a way though, it isn't fair for us to ask this of ourselves. I was working with someone yesterday who was all sort of teary-eyed. Eventually, it came out that she was distracted and sad because their son had called the night before to tell them he and his fiancee had called off their marriage. My point (and I do have one, as Elle says) is that moms <u>do</u> live their kids emotional lives with them.</p><p></p><p>It's what we do.</p><p></p><p>Our kids' tragedies (and triumphs ~ we celebrate those, too) are so often crucial survival issues. It's impossible to put emotional distance between those overwhelming emotions and ourselves.</p><p></p><p>But, that is the skillset we need, to survive this intact.</p><p></p><p>Pema Chodron describes a technique designed to put a space between a troubling emotion and the present moment. That is what we need to do, too. This will take less than five minutes, and can be done throughout the day. No one will know. You should come away calmer. So, here it is:</p><p></p><p>Envision the negative emotion as clearly as you can and breathe in, deeply. Envision putting a space between the emotion and yourself and breathe out slowly. </p><p></p><p>That's it.</p><p></p><p>Take as many breaths as you want to ~ even one will help.</p><p></p><p>When you feel the pointlessly negative emotions returning (and they will) remember that this kind of emotional turmoil is not helpful. Do the breathing practice again, intending to put that little bit of space between yourself and the immediacy of your pain.</p><p></p><p>This technique helped me.</p><p></p><p>It was simple and easy enough to try.</p><p></p><p>For me, that is what detachment was all about. A practice of learning to detach from the overwhelming emotional connection I have around my kids.</p><p></p><p>I did learn to recognize the harmful, repetitive, worrisome emotions, and to separate from them to a degree. I did learn to comfort myself with the Serenity Prayer when I would wake up in the night, worried and afraid. (It's too hard to remember all the things we are supposed to do for our mental and emotional health in the middle of the night. I would be lying there like, beating myself up because I couldn't remember whatever stress reduction technique it was I was supposed to employ in the iddle of the night!)</p><p></p><p>Cheesh.</p><p></p><p>Repetition of the Serenity Prayer helped with that.</p><p></p><p>I really hope your son is offered his job back, Daze. He sounds like such a sweetie.</p><p></p><p>It seems so wrong that he should have to suffer this way. But this is the only way he can learn to be a man, Daze. He will come through this stronger inside, whatever the job situation is. I am so proud of him that he stuck with it even though he was so scared he would not measure up.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 623896, member: 17461"] Oh, I feel badly for him, Daze. Like all of us, he will grow through surviving the challenges that come his way. I was so happy to read that he'd had the courage to call his manager. He is doing the right things Daze, he is standing up for himself. He stuck with the job in the first place, even though he was scared to death, scared to be labeled different, unemployable ~ those are big fears Daze, and he struck with it. I hope he is offered the job, again. Even if he loses this one, he has learned that there are ways to face our fears and keep trying through taking and keeping this job as long as he did. Now, we have to wait and see what comes next. I wholeheartedly agree that we need to try to keep our emotions separate from the day to day happenings in the lives of our kids. In a way though, it isn't fair for us to ask this of ourselves. I was working with someone yesterday who was all sort of teary-eyed. Eventually, it came out that she was distracted and sad because their son had called the night before to tell them he and his fiancee had called off their marriage. My point (and I do have one, as Elle says) is that moms [U]do[/U] live their kids emotional lives with them. [U][/U] It's what we do. Our kids' tragedies (and triumphs ~ we celebrate those, too) are so often crucial survival issues. It's impossible to put emotional distance between those overwhelming emotions and ourselves. But, that is the skillset we need, to survive this intact. Pema Chodron describes a technique designed to put a space between a troubling emotion and the present moment. That is what we need to do, too. This will take less than five minutes, and can be done throughout the day. No one will know. You should come away calmer. So, here it is: Envision the negative emotion as clearly as you can and breathe in, deeply. Envision putting a space between the emotion and yourself and breathe out slowly. That's it. Take as many breaths as you want to ~ even one will help. When you feel the pointlessly negative emotions returning (and they will) remember that this kind of emotional turmoil is not helpful. Do the breathing practice again, intending to put that little bit of space between yourself and the immediacy of your pain. This technique helped me. It was simple and easy enough to try. For me, that is what detachment was all about. A practice of learning to detach from the overwhelming emotional connection I have around my kids. I did learn to recognize the harmful, repetitive, worrisome emotions, and to separate from them to a degree. I did learn to comfort myself with the Serenity Prayer when I would wake up in the night, worried and afraid. (It's too hard to remember all the things we are supposed to do for our mental and emotional health in the middle of the night. I would be lying there like, beating myself up because I couldn't remember whatever stress reduction technique it was I was supposed to employ in the iddle of the night!) Cheesh. Repetition of the Serenity Prayer helped with that. I really hope your son is offered his job back, Daze. He sounds like such a sweetie. It seems so wrong that he should have to suffer this way. But this is the only way he can learn to be a man, Daze. He will come through this stronger inside, whatever the job situation is. I am so proud of him that he stuck with it even though he was so scared he would not measure up. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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