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He was fired today
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 625308" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Sometimes I wonder if turning my back on him forever is where I am headed. I am resisting that so much. And then I think run toward that thing you fear the most, the absolute lack of him in my life at all. Wow, that is a scary and sad thing that immediately makes me cry. </p><p></p><p>I haven't done it because it feels so final, like death. And then I think, why do you need to cut it off completely? Isn't that still trying to control the situation. </p><p></p><p>Oh, the circular thinking. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Oh yes. That story from the Bible comes to me again and again. And the story of Leaving 99. Leaving 99 sheep to find the one lost sheep. God is always searching for our difficult children. He never stops. The question is: are our difficult children listening and responding to his call? If they ever do, that is the first step to wholeness, I believe. I believe a spiritual awakening is what has to happen. </p><p></p><p>Once he responds, then we will run to him as he walks down the road toward home again, we will bring him a ring for his finger, a beautiful robe and we will order a feast to be prepared. That is what the daddy did in the story. It is a day of celebration. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I am not bailing him out Cedar. </p><p></p><p>The likely circumstances are these: he will get out in early May (not sure of the exact date because of the 30% reduction rule but I can call and find out as the time gets closer). I don't know how it works from there---do they immediately arrest him if they are sending him to prison or does he go back to the street and he's on his own to contact his PO? The last scenario seems dumb, but you know how that goes. They are so overbusy and overcrowded with drug-related crimes. I guess things don't go as it seems they would. </p><p></p><p>Strangely, the idea that he goes to prison is a sort of comfort to me. That way, he will be somewhere. He is like a "thing to be managed." He is either a storm brewing (when he is white knuckling) or a whirling tornado (when he can't white knuckle anymore). You want to tamp him down. Get him surrounded with some borders or boundaries or something. </p><p></p><p>Isn't that weird that I would even think that? I guess I am thinking maybe something good would happen there. It doesn't seem like anything good has really happened on the street? He did seem to make some progress, but then....</p><p></p><p>I don't know. I have no idea. What could I really know about him and his path and his thoughts and his feelings? Let it go, let it go, let it go. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I am convinced there is a purpose. I don't know what it is. I can't see it right now. There is purpose. SO says the best drug and alcohol counselors are those who have been there. They have looked into the face of hell. They have come back from that edge of the pit. I wish that would be difficult child some day. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>We are, Cedar. We are warriors. We are fighting a war that must be as brutal and horrible as the war in Iraq, Afghanistan, other wars around the world. We are in the trenches for years and years. We are stripped of supplies and armor and weapons at first, completely bare and vulnerable, until we start collecting those supplies and armor and weapons----our tools. We stay there, fighting, because we have no choice. We've been assigned there by our parentage. I doubt we will ever get a deferment or completely serve our time. Until it ends, one way or the other. </p><p></p><p>I can't believe the incredible durability of the human soul and spirit. Who would predict we could do this? We can't, until we get those tools. We would die ourselves, completely without resources. But now we have them. We are still there, we are still present, but we are using our weapons. </p><p></p><p>I am so grateful for those weapons. Not against our difficult children, but against the 40-foot-tall monster. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You are a force for good as well, Daze. We all contribute here. You help me every time you write, and I believe we are helping ourselves so much as we write. I have felt myself growing stronger over these months since I found this site. I was ready for it when I found it. I am so grateful for all of you. </p><p></p><p>Have a good day today friends and new friends---people who are just coming here and reading. Keep coming back.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 625308, member: 17542"] Sometimes I wonder if turning my back on him forever is where I am headed. I am resisting that so much. And then I think run toward that thing you fear the most, the absolute lack of him in my life at all. Wow, that is a scary and sad thing that immediately makes me cry. I haven't done it because it feels so final, like death. And then I think, why do you need to cut it off completely? Isn't that still trying to control the situation. Oh, the circular thinking. Oh yes. That story from the Bible comes to me again and again. And the story of Leaving 99. Leaving 99 sheep to find the one lost sheep. God is always searching for our difficult children. He never stops. The question is: are our difficult children listening and responding to his call? If they ever do, that is the first step to wholeness, I believe. I believe a spiritual awakening is what has to happen. Once he responds, then we will run to him as he walks down the road toward home again, we will bring him a ring for his finger, a beautiful robe and we will order a feast to be prepared. That is what the daddy did in the story. It is a day of celebration. I am not bailing him out Cedar. The likely circumstances are these: he will get out in early May (not sure of the exact date because of the 30% reduction rule but I can call and find out as the time gets closer). I don't know how it works from there---do they immediately arrest him if they are sending him to prison or does he go back to the street and he's on his own to contact his PO? The last scenario seems dumb, but you know how that goes. They are so overbusy and overcrowded with drug-related crimes. I guess things don't go as it seems they would. Strangely, the idea that he goes to prison is a sort of comfort to me. That way, he will be somewhere. He is like a "thing to be managed." He is either a storm brewing (when he is white knuckling) or a whirling tornado (when he can't white knuckle anymore). You want to tamp him down. Get him surrounded with some borders or boundaries or something. Isn't that weird that I would even think that? I guess I am thinking maybe something good would happen there. It doesn't seem like anything good has really happened on the street? He did seem to make some progress, but then.... I don't know. I have no idea. What could I really know about him and his path and his thoughts and his feelings? Let it go, let it go, let it go. I am convinced there is a purpose. I don't know what it is. I can't see it right now. There is purpose. SO says the best drug and alcohol counselors are those who have been there. They have looked into the face of hell. They have come back from that edge of the pit. I wish that would be difficult child some day. We are, Cedar. We are warriors. We are fighting a war that must be as brutal and horrible as the war in Iraq, Afghanistan, other wars around the world. We are in the trenches for years and years. We are stripped of supplies and armor and weapons at first, completely bare and vulnerable, until we start collecting those supplies and armor and weapons----our tools. We stay there, fighting, because we have no choice. We've been assigned there by our parentage. I doubt we will ever get a deferment or completely serve our time. Until it ends, one way or the other. I can't believe the incredible durability of the human soul and spirit. Who would predict we could do this? We can't, until we get those tools. We would die ourselves, completely without resources. But now we have them. We are still there, we are still present, but we are using our weapons. I am so grateful for those weapons. Not against our difficult children, but against the 40-foot-tall monster. You are a force for good as well, Daze. We all contribute here. You help me every time you write, and I believe we are helping ourselves so much as we write. I have felt myself growing stronger over these months since I found this site. I was ready for it when I found it. I am so grateful for all of you. Have a good day today friends and new friends---people who are just coming here and reading. Keep coming back. [/QUOTE]
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