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Healing from Narcissistic Relationship: Very good article
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 675065" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>I am going through something weird right now, kind of a dazed out of body experience. I think all of this FOO work has <em>exhausted</em> me. It is not only tiring to come through FOO, it is exhausting to examine the history of it. </p><p> I wrote that my experience was not as bad as some who have written here, and it was not blatantly, outrageously bad. </p><p>But you know what? It was underlying, insidiously, slow drippy, water torture bad. So, bad that by my teen years, I just wanted OUT.</p><p></p><p>Now I am wondering if I have been in denial about that, because I feel somewhat in a battered state. If I am not making any sense on this, it is because I am in sort of a shocky state? I do not know. I have been so throughly gaslighted through all of this.....</p><p>Examination does not change the history, neither will it change the people who are my FOO, who I love dearly, but it is doing <em>something</em> to me.</p><p>Not just mentally, but physically.</p><p></p><p>I feel as if I have woken up from a troublesome nap, a deep sleep occurring too early in the day, when one is confused whether or not the clock reading 7:00, is am, or pm?</p><p>I am in a FOG, friends, isn't all of this supposed to give me some sort of validation? </p><p></p><p>Well, it isn't, it is <em>invalidating </em>my entire concept. I am running through the tape reels of my past, and saying, yes, uh huh, really? NO! </p><p></p><p>It must be me, I am insane, I am imagining all of this? Am I? </p><p>Who am I, what am I anyways?</p><p></p><p>Did any of you go through these feelings?</p><p></p><p>It is as if I am that child again, in my room, after being teased and tormented by my sister, and Mom has just told me to toughen up, don't be so sensitive. I am in my room thinking what is wrong with ME?</p><p></p><p> But, I am 56, saying, no, you have got it wrong, you are over imagining things, over thinking it. I will tell you, it is not a good feeling. It is a horrible feeling. I do not want this to be true.</p><p> But I see it. I<em> SAW </em>it, I lived it, and am still living the repercussions of it now.</p><p></p><p>So, how do I come out of this? This entirely uncomfortable floaty, surreal feeling? </p><p></p><p>I am thinking that Cedar, when you were going through the "uglies" it is something like this. </p><p></p><p>So, I will work, the benedictines work, the simple act of doing, may help to bring me back, whoever I am. Whatever I am.</p><p></p><p>Music, too, I will listen to soothing music, calm myself.</p><p></p><p>I am not supposed to be feeling this way during the holidays. UGH.</p><p></p><p>My FOO will never understand this. </p><p></p><p>I am alone in this <em>with them</em>. </p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">weird, strange, floaty</span></p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 675065, member: 19522"] I am going through something weird right now, kind of a dazed out of body experience. I think all of this FOO work has [I]exhausted[/I] me. It is not only tiring to come through FOO, it is exhausting to examine the history of it. I wrote that my experience was not as bad as some who have written here, and it was not blatantly, outrageously bad. But you know what? It was underlying, insidiously, slow drippy, water torture bad. So, bad that by my teen years, I just wanted OUT. Now I am wondering if I have been in denial about that, because I feel somewhat in a battered state. If I am not making any sense on this, it is because I am in sort of a shocky state? I do not know. I have been so throughly gaslighted through all of this..... Examination does not change the history, neither will it change the people who are my FOO, who I love dearly, but it is doing [I]something[/I] to me. Not just mentally, but physically. I feel as if I have woken up from a troublesome nap, a deep sleep occurring too early in the day, when one is confused whether or not the clock reading 7:00, is am, or pm? I am in a FOG, friends, isn't all of this supposed to give me some sort of validation? Well, it isn't, it is [I]invalidating [/I]my entire concept. I am running through the tape reels of my past, and saying, yes, uh huh, really? NO! It must be me, I am insane, I am imagining all of this? Am I? Who am I, what am I anyways? Did any of you go through these feelings? It is as if I am that child again, in my room, after being teased and tormented by my sister, and Mom has just told me to toughen up, don't be so sensitive. I am in my room thinking what is wrong with ME? But, I am 56, saying, no, you have got it wrong, you are over imagining things, over thinking it. I will tell you, it is not a good feeling. It is a horrible feeling. I do not want this to be true. But I see it. I[I] SAW [/I]it, I lived it, and am still living the repercussions of it now. So, how do I come out of this? This entirely uncomfortable floaty, surreal feeling? I am thinking that Cedar, when you were going through the "uglies" it is something like this. So, I will work, the benedictines work, the simple act of doing, may help to bring me back, whoever I am. Whatever I am. Music, too, I will listen to soothing music, calm myself. I am not supposed to be feeling this way during the holidays. UGH. My FOO will never understand this. I am alone in this [I]with them[/I]. [SIZE=2]weird, strange, floaty[/SIZE] leafy [/QUOTE]
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Healing from Narcissistic Relationship: Very good article
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