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Healing from Narcissistic Relationship: Very good article
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 675073" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I think that happens when we are forcing ourselves to confront denial. Once we break through it, we are without anchor or guidelines. We feel spacey <em>which turns into spacious, into open: Into free.</em></p><p></p><p>All we have then to guide us is whatever moral structure we've devised to see us through it the first time.</p><p></p><p>It is like that saying I am always quoting: "What of him who has nothing? He will lose what he has."</p><p></p><p><em>When the tiles of that mosaic first composed in blood on stone</em></p><p><em>fall seamlessly together</em></p><p><em>revealing no face but her own....</em></p><p></p><p>Like that, I think Leafy.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Perhaps you are coming alive. Or, like an avalanche victim, perhaps you are thawing out.</p><p></p><p>This is stellar, New Leaf.</p><p></p><p>I am happy for you. It helped us to hold compassion for ourselves, and for our families, as we came through. There was a time in my own process when I refused compassion for my mother in order to see what I needed to see. But I knew I would come back to it.</p><p></p><p>That is why the Conduct Disorders motorcycle. It seems so strange to those who do not understand that need to be protected which turns out to have been the need to protect, all along.</p><p></p><p>There is nothing noble about it.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes, the stories are very ugly.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>No. They say that if we begin this quest, we must begin it with the intensity of someone whose hair is on fire.</p><p></p><p>We are dismantling the self in a way, Leafy. We will need to dissolve old belief systems and that will make us naked and unsure and it will be very dark for a time ~ maybe, for a long time. It is best to have access to a therapist. If you continue Leafy, the feelings will intensify. </p><p></p><p>They are overwhelming. </p><p></p><p>If we are doing this right, the feelings are overwhelming.</p><p></p><p>Find a therapist in your phone book New Leaf, and call to learn how long you would need to wait to see the therapist if you felt you needed her. If you have no access to a therapist then it might be best to wait before going further in your healing process.</p><p></p><p>The deeper we go, the more the feelings intensify.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It takes courage to listen, New Leaf.</p><p></p><p>There is nothing you have to do. Holding an intention to be kinder to myself helped me.</p><p></p><p>We are meant to be whole, and to heal. These tapes have been hissing away all along. The difference now is that you are hearing them.</p><p></p><p>You re strong enough to hear them, now. We do not give ourselves more than we can take. Trust yourself. Keep the number of the therapist close to hand if you should go too far and get into trouble with one aspect of things or another. Take very good care of yourself now, New Leaf. We are people on an anonymous internet site. We can share the journey with you, but you may need eyes on contact with someone who knows how to help if you elect to go further.</p><p></p><p>You need to be responsible to yourself, New Leaf.</p><p></p><p>Each of us has had to learn that. It was very hard, but it was a beginning.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It helped me, Leafy.</p><p></p><p>It has to do with stilling the mind through concentration on simple work. Then, we understand there is something beneath and around and above the chaotic panicked place and...we can rest, there.</p><p></p><p>And so, somehow, we come through.</p><p></p><p>You will too, Leafy.</p><p></p><p>We have been where you are.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It will help you I think Leafy to see it as an honor. For us, there has never been a time we were supposed to feel whatever we did feel. That is why, sometimes, we develop other, acceptable names for feelings we are not supposed to have.</p><p></p><p>And it gets all messed up with denial and judging and the awe/patronization circle and sometimes, we wish for the safety of not knowing.</p><p></p><p>You are being brave, New Leaf.</p><p></p><p>It is a very hard thing to dissolve our own defenses. But at the end of it? There you will be, maybe, for the first time.</p><p></p><p>Don't forget or neglect to seek out a therapist to help you, if you should need her. It would be the best idea to see a therapist now anyway. It is part of taking care of ourselves, New Leaf. And taking care of ourselves, and valuing ourselves enough to do so, that is part of what we are all here trying to accomplish, too.</p><p></p><p>We are those who generally take care of everyone else.</p><p></p><p>But never, ever, ourselves.</p><p></p><p>This is the first step to valuing our selves, our true selves, for real.</p><p></p><p>I think you are doing fine, New Leaf.</p><p></p><p>A therapist will help very much during this time. Someone who can validate "sane", because it does feel very much like insanity to come through this. </p><p></p><p>You need to be able to make that decision to care for yourself enough to take care of yourself, New Leaf.</p><p></p><p>This has not been easy for any of us. It required almost superhuman commitment to ourselves and to healing.</p><p></p><p>We came through it.</p><p></p><p>You will, too.</p><p></p><p>But it is very hard.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 675073, member: 17461"] I think that happens when we are forcing ourselves to confront denial. Once we break through it, we are without anchor or guidelines. We feel spacey [I]which turns into spacious, into open: Into free.[/I] All we have then to guide us is whatever moral structure we've devised to see us through it the first time. It is like that saying I am always quoting: "What of him who has nothing? He will lose what he has." [I]When the tiles of that mosaic first composed in blood on stone fall seamlessly together revealing no face but her own....[/I] Like that, I think Leafy. Perhaps you are coming alive. Or, like an avalanche victim, perhaps you are thawing out. This is stellar, New Leaf. I am happy for you. It helped us to hold compassion for ourselves, and for our families, as we came through. There was a time in my own process when I refused compassion for my mother in order to see what I needed to see. But I knew I would come back to it. That is why the Conduct Disorders motorcycle. It seems so strange to those who do not understand that need to be protected which turns out to have been the need to protect, all along. There is nothing noble about it. Sometimes, the stories are very ugly. No. They say that if we begin this quest, we must begin it with the intensity of someone whose hair is on fire. We are dismantling the self in a way, Leafy. We will need to dissolve old belief systems and that will make us naked and unsure and it will be very dark for a time ~ maybe, for a long time. It is best to have access to a therapist. If you continue Leafy, the feelings will intensify. They are overwhelming. If we are doing this right, the feelings are overwhelming. Find a therapist in your phone book New Leaf, and call to learn how long you would need to wait to see the therapist if you felt you needed her. If you have no access to a therapist then it might be best to wait before going further in your healing process. The deeper we go, the more the feelings intensify. It takes courage to listen, New Leaf. There is nothing you have to do. Holding an intention to be kinder to myself helped me. We are meant to be whole, and to heal. These tapes have been hissing away all along. The difference now is that you are hearing them. You re strong enough to hear them, now. We do not give ourselves more than we can take. Trust yourself. Keep the number of the therapist close to hand if you should go too far and get into trouble with one aspect of things or another. Take very good care of yourself now, New Leaf. We are people on an anonymous internet site. We can share the journey with you, but you may need eyes on contact with someone who knows how to help if you elect to go further. You need to be responsible to yourself, New Leaf. Each of us has had to learn that. It was very hard, but it was a beginning. It helped me, Leafy. It has to do with stilling the mind through concentration on simple work. Then, we understand there is something beneath and around and above the chaotic panicked place and...we can rest, there. And so, somehow, we come through. You will too, Leafy. We have been where you are. It will help you I think Leafy to see it as an honor. For us, there has never been a time we were supposed to feel whatever we did feel. That is why, sometimes, we develop other, acceptable names for feelings we are not supposed to have. And it gets all messed up with denial and judging and the awe/patronization circle and sometimes, we wish for the safety of not knowing. You are being brave, New Leaf. It is a very hard thing to dissolve our own defenses. But at the end of it? There you will be, maybe, for the first time. Don't forget or neglect to seek out a therapist to help you, if you should need her. It would be the best idea to see a therapist now anyway. It is part of taking care of ourselves, New Leaf. And taking care of ourselves, and valuing ourselves enough to do so, that is part of what we are all here trying to accomplish, too. We are those who generally take care of everyone else. But never, ever, ourselves. This is the first step to valuing our selves, our true selves, for real. I think you are doing fine, New Leaf. A therapist will help very much during this time. Someone who can validate "sane", because it does feel very much like insanity to come through this. You need to be able to make that decision to care for yourself enough to take care of yourself, New Leaf. This has not been easy for any of us. It required almost superhuman commitment to ourselves and to healing. We came through it. You will, too. But it is very hard. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Healing from Narcissistic Relationship: Very good article
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