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Heart Broken Nightmare
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 750993" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Welcome.</p><p></p><p>I think you are doing the right thing giving her notice. She will only rise to the occasion when she is forced to. The reality is that your granddaughters are her children and she (not you) is responsible for them, however this hurts. She will either take responsibility as their mother, or not, and there is not one thing you or anybody else can do. </p><p></p><p>Her abuse of you will continue as long as you permit it. And as you no longer permit it, she will step it up. Rest assured, you are doing the correct thing, for everybody concerned. I agree with Wise, she is sealing the deal with her behavior, her unwillingness to accept responsibility, and her retaliation to you.</p><p></p><p>As far as her theft of the necklaces, we have seen this before, this "theft" of things that they had given us. This exact thing happened with another set of parents. The adult child had gifted his dad a rifle and some other things, and sure enough he "stole" them back. My own son gave me rent money, left it in a drawer, and then when he came to my house, stole part of it. In their minds, I think what they "give" is theirs. </p><p></p><p>This behavior seems to stem from poor boundaries on their part, or a fundamentally skewed way of seeing things: That we (not they) are responsible for them. And they are not even responsible for their behavior. We are. We are the ones who are responsible for their misdeeds around us.</p><p></p><p>I want to tell you again that I believe you are doing the correct thing, regardless of how your daughter is responding. In my mind, her response only confirms the correctness of your decisions.</p><p></p><p>She has seen your generosity as weakness. And she has responded with entitlement and disrespect. Let her now take responsibility for herself and her children. I believe there is a very good chance that she will rise to the occasion. Her daughters are NOT your children. They are hers. She is showing that your help and support have not helped her. They have hurt her. </p><p></p><p>I hope you keep posting here, on your own and others' threads. Believe me. It really does help.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 750993, member: 18958"] Welcome. I think you are doing the right thing giving her notice. She will only rise to the occasion when she is forced to. The reality is that your granddaughters are her children and she (not you) is responsible for them, however this hurts. She will either take responsibility as their mother, or not, and there is not one thing you or anybody else can do. Her abuse of you will continue as long as you permit it. And as you no longer permit it, she will step it up. Rest assured, you are doing the correct thing, for everybody concerned. I agree with Wise, she is sealing the deal with her behavior, her unwillingness to accept responsibility, and her retaliation to you. As far as her theft of the necklaces, we have seen this before, this "theft" of things that they had given us. This exact thing happened with another set of parents. The adult child had gifted his dad a rifle and some other things, and sure enough he "stole" them back. My own son gave me rent money, left it in a drawer, and then when he came to my house, stole part of it. In their minds, I think what they "give" is theirs. This behavior seems to stem from poor boundaries on their part, or a fundamentally skewed way of seeing things: That we (not they) are responsible for them. And they are not even responsible for their behavior. We are. We are the ones who are responsible for their misdeeds around us. I want to tell you again that I believe you are doing the correct thing, regardless of how your daughter is responding. In my mind, her response only confirms the correctness of your decisions. She has seen your generosity as weakness. And she has responded with entitlement and disrespect. Let her now take responsibility for herself and her children. I believe there is a very good chance that she will rise to the occasion. Her daughters are NOT your children. They are hers. She is showing that your help and support have not helped her. They have hurt her. I hope you keep posting here, on your own and others' threads. Believe me. It really does help. [/QUOTE]
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