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Failure to Thrive
Heartbroken
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<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 741562" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>GS, I’m so sorry for your pain. He’s 33 - the same age as my eldest. We can’t be financially and emotionally responsible forever. They are of an age that our relationships should be more equal, with them helping us as much as we are helping them.</p><p></p><p>I know how hard it is to let go of feeling responsible for them though. I always feel like if I just do this one more thing it will put him on the right track and he’ll be able to pick up from there. It never seems to happen. Instead, the more I do from him the more he seems to need from me, and the more ‘emergencies’ come up that require a sudden cash infusion from me. The same with my daughter S. If the tap is on, they keep coming back for more. The only way I can get them to take any responsibility is to cut them off entirely. </p><p></p><p>I am so sorry he’s not paying on the car that is in your name. That has to be really hurting your credit. Can you take the car away from him? Sell it? Work with the dealer to have it formally repoed and then repair your credit? I hate to see his bad choices hurting you. </p><p></p><p>C shows suicidal ideation also, and I know how scary that is to hear. I am not sure how much is real and how much is manipulation. I have had to come to terms with the fact that he is an adult, he knows where to get help if he wants to, and I can’t force him to get help or be responsible for his choices. I have dealt with suicidal depression as well. I know that ultimately it is on me to get the help I need and make the lifestyle changes that allow me to keep depresssion under control. No one else can do it for me. The same is true of my son, as hard as it is for me to contemplate. </p><p></p><p>Cutting off enabling actions does not mean you are abandoning your son. You are still there, right where you have always been. His journey has taken him away from you, and he is the only one who can fix that. It is not your fault. </p><p></p><p>Take care of yourself and do whatever you need to do to put your own finances and life on track. His life is in hands. Hugs to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 741562, member: 23349"] GS, I’m so sorry for your pain. He’s 33 - the same age as my eldest. We can’t be financially and emotionally responsible forever. They are of an age that our relationships should be more equal, with them helping us as much as we are helping them. I know how hard it is to let go of feeling responsible for them though. I always feel like if I just do this one more thing it will put him on the right track and he’ll be able to pick up from there. It never seems to happen. Instead, the more I do from him the more he seems to need from me, and the more ‘emergencies’ come up that require a sudden cash infusion from me. The same with my daughter S. If the tap is on, they keep coming back for more. The only way I can get them to take any responsibility is to cut them off entirely. I am so sorry he’s not paying on the car that is in your name. That has to be really hurting your credit. Can you take the car away from him? Sell it? Work with the dealer to have it formally repoed and then repair your credit? I hate to see his bad choices hurting you. C shows suicidal ideation also, and I know how scary that is to hear. I am not sure how much is real and how much is manipulation. I have had to come to terms with the fact that he is an adult, he knows where to get help if he wants to, and I can’t force him to get help or be responsible for his choices. I have dealt with suicidal depression as well. I know that ultimately it is on me to get the help I need and make the lifestyle changes that allow me to keep depresssion under control. No one else can do it for me. The same is true of my son, as hard as it is for me to contemplate. Cutting off enabling actions does not mean you are abandoning your son. You are still there, right where you have always been. His journey has taken him away from you, and he is the only one who can fix that. It is not your fault. Take care of yourself and do whatever you need to do to put your own finances and life on track. His life is in hands. Hugs to you. [/QUOTE]
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