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Parent Emeritus
Hello and thanks; advice needed re 27 yr old son not launching
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 747145" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Hi Standing, so glad to meet you. </p><p></p><p>I'm sorry for what you have been through. It's not an easy journey to be on but you are not alone. From what you have shared, it sounds like you and your husband have done all you can to offer your son help in getting his life on track. You have also gone above and beyond in that you are raising your grand daughter.</p><p></p><p>Detaching is never easy in the beginning but it's essential to do so you can move forward with your own life.</p><p></p><p>Be prepared for your son to ramp things up. When we the parents start pulling away and telling them "NO", their behavior can intensify. My son did this with me. I've heard it all from "I hate you" "I wish you were dead" "I wish I'd never been born" "you'll be sorry" "if you loved me you would help me" "I'm going to starve to death" "I'm going to freeze to death", etc..... </p><p>Our difficult adult children are counting on us to cave in and give them what they want. </p><p>The main thing to remember is our helping them is not helping them, it's enabling them.</p><p></p><p>I'm glad your son is moving in a positive direction but that is no reason for you and your husband to "help" him. I truly hope your son is sincere. I only say this as a caution. My son and many others have shown they can "do good" as a way to convince us they are now worthy of our help. </p><p></p><p>There is a very fine line between helping and enabling. Your son has no reason that he cannot work and be self sufficient. </p><p></p><p>Keep posing and let us know how things are going.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 747145, member: 18516"] Hi Standing, so glad to meet you. I'm sorry for what you have been through. It's not an easy journey to be on but you are not alone. From what you have shared, it sounds like you and your husband have done all you can to offer your son help in getting his life on track. You have also gone above and beyond in that you are raising your grand daughter. Detaching is never easy in the beginning but it's essential to do so you can move forward with your own life. Be prepared for your son to ramp things up. When we the parents start pulling away and telling them "NO", their behavior can intensify. My son did this with me. I've heard it all from "I hate you" "I wish you were dead" "I wish I'd never been born" "you'll be sorry" "if you loved me you would help me" "I'm going to starve to death" "I'm going to freeze to death", etc..... Our difficult adult children are counting on us to cave in and give them what they want. The main thing to remember is our helping them is not helping them, it's enabling them. I'm glad your son is moving in a positive direction but that is no reason for you and your husband to "help" him. I truly hope your son is sincere. I only say this as a caution. My son and many others have shown they can "do good" as a way to convince us they are now worthy of our help. There is a very fine line between helping and enabling. Your son has no reason that he cannot work and be self sufficient. Keep posing and let us know how things are going. [/QUOTE]
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Hello and thanks; advice needed re 27 yr old son not launching
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