Wow, I love you guys. And I am so grateful for your advice.
I used to say L changed at 14 because that's when he first ran away, which was such a complete shock to me because I didn't see any signs of something like that coming. What HAD been happening the previous year was our "haunted house". He confessed to that yesterday too, finally. He had us believing that there were ghosts in our house breaking all our stuff. And the real kicker to that - I have to go back in time in my mind and remember all these things with the new information I have from L's confession - but there was this night, during the "haunting" time (which was about 3 months), that he said he "saw" a ghost. We found him shaking under the blankets on his bed. It took us hours to calm him down. He would tell us to shut up because the ghost could hear us. It was SOOOO convincing. Oscar-worthy. If you didn't believe in ghosts before that, seeing him in that state might have changed your mind. This is one of the main reasons why I didn't think he was behind it all.
I think my son might be gay, I always have. This is not a problem at all for us. And L has always known this but insisted that he's straight. The kids in town also seemed to know, or maybe it's just because he's so physically beautiful, that they would always call him names (like fag). But this is a very cultural thing, and I think, to some degree all the guys to that to each other here. But it bothered L very much. He would say it didn't, but it did. This wasn't the only reason other kids rejected him. He was, and is, really skilled at socializing with adults, but he never seemed to understand the dynamic with other kids, and would irritate/annoy them with his lack of respecting their boundaries. Like tickling. Almost like a compulsion. And he wouldn't stop when they said no.
The psychic said she thought he suffered something traumatic at age 6, but it was unclear. This is around the time that he started becoming more aware of the rejection from other kids. To answer the question about if she knew anything about our story, she lives in another town and doesn't go out much. She may have heard something, but not the diagnosis. I've only told a few people about that, and they are not friends with her, or in her circles. The reason I went to her is because a friend has a relative dying in a hospital in the US, called this psychic on the phone, and she told her that the doctors were confused about the problem, and that it was actually this very specific and rare problem in his blood. He was about to die. This information saved his life. So, although I can't say I 100% believe that it's possible for anyone to "see" the future or the invisible, this lady definitely made me more a believer. She knew all about my mom too, and I didn't even tell her that she was my mom, just gave her the name. She even knew stuff about the wealthy friend who is helping to pay, again no information from me on who this person is, just a name. Even if she had researched me on facebook, there's no way she could would know things like that both of these people (my mom and this friend) are bipolar.
I'm also wondering about that. The bipolar. Some of L's behavior mirrors my mother's so much. The nastiness when she's manic. Downright mean, but then oh so loving. But maybe that's NPD love-bombing. I read about these disorders and many of them resonate, for both L and my mom. But yes, I'm seeing more clearly that I shouldn't rely so much on psychiatry for the answer. I swing between the psychiatric explanations, the supernatural ones, and the drugs. Or, I could put them all together (and this is kind of where the psychic was going) like this: L has my family's addictive genes, so drugs were super bad for him and he was very young. He tried very strong ones, like DMT, that are said to open portals to the spirit world. He was too immature for this, and didn't know how to protect himself from parasitic spirits. So, he was under some kind of spiritual "attack", jacked up on drugs, trying to keep his "good boy" act going with me (stressful), realizing that he could (negatively empowering), and all of this brought out the worst in his genes (bipolar and borderline from my mom, NPD/ASPD traits from biodad). Add possible sexual identity crisis to the mix, and BOOM!
Anyway. Back to the main point. Whatever it is. I understand that L is possibly a danger to me. And I think that the idea that he projected his anger onto me (because I'm his person, the safest, his protector and defender, unconditional), is spot on. I tried so hard to get the psychiatrists here to see that - that L wasn't actually angry with *me*.
I hope this new center can wean him off all the drugs they are giving him, and get him to start opening up in therapy. No one has actually managed that yet. At least in Mexico they seem to be aware that he's not being authentic in therapy - the ones here were total suckers.
