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Help! Son with Anti-Social Person. Disorder
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 603508" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>I would add that your job now is to explore what you need to do to begin the eviction process. Part of that process will be learning how you are going to protect yourself from your own maternal feelings of wanting to protect him. If you were to go through the eviction process (and the fact that your son is ignoring you on this one tells me you will have to evict him), where will he go? I know that isn't your responsibility? But when parents are forced to take such drastic steps as eviction, our own maternal instincts require that we know the child has somewhere to go. So, I think you need to research homeless shelters in your area. Soup kitchens. The cost of a room at the YMCA, if you have one in your area. The cost of a bus pass. </p><p></p><p>Does he have a backpack for his things?</p><p></p><p>Are you going to pay for his phone after he leaves home?</p><p></p><p>Are you going to be comfortable turning him out with no food, or are you going to send food with him?</p><p></p><p>If he needs to go to a homeless shelter, how will he get there?</p><p></p><p>What time does he need to be at the shelter in order to stay for the night?</p><p></p><p>Is he planning to live in his car after the eviction?</p><p></p><p>These are all questions that will become burning issues before you can be serious about evicting your child. If you know the answers to those questions, your attitude when you talk to your son will be different. I think he will sense that you mean it this time. Maybe, that will be enough to change his attitude, and the eviction will never have to happen.</p><p></p><p>Right now, you are dealing with him from a position of weakness. You need to be coming from a place of strength. Knowledge is the tool you need, now.</p><p></p><p>So, my advice is for you to explore where your son will be living once he is no longer living with you. Break through those psychological barriers all parents have against turning our children away. </p><p></p><p>A good place to begin to find the information you need is your local Social Services office. This will be listed in the blue pages of your phone book. Or, go online and type in Social Services for your county and state. Look up shelter information. Look up YMCA. Make some phone calls. Even the Police Desk in your city can be an excellent reference for you. Any information is better than no information. You can sift through it, later.</p><p></p><p>Another good place to begin is to dial "211." This number used to be a country-wide resource for accessing local social services. Since funding cutbacks have been put into effect, not all counties carry that 211 service, anymore. Nonetheless, there will be an emergency number for your county and state that you can access online. </p><p></p><p>You need information.</p><p></p><p>We need to interact with our difficult child kids from a position of strength. The only way to do that is to know what our options are. You may change your mind about making him leave a million times. He may sense your new determination, and change his ways. Or, you may have to act on what you learn through exploring options for homeless people. Not a one of us here is going to judge you for whatever you decide to do. We have all been where you are ~ scared, angry, tired and so, so frustrated and ashamed. When we are in these kinds of traps, we need to change something, or the same old things will keep happening. Gathering your forces, learning that your son will survive, if you do need to evict him ~ all these tiny pieces will give you strength and hope.</p><p></p><p>And we will all be right here, too.</p><p></p><p>There is so much strength to be found in posting here, in knowing that we are not alone. </p><p></p><p>I'm glad you found us, too.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 603508, member: 1721"] I would add that your job now is to explore what you need to do to begin the eviction process. Part of that process will be learning how you are going to protect yourself from your own maternal feelings of wanting to protect him. If you were to go through the eviction process (and the fact that your son is ignoring you on this one tells me you will have to evict him), where will he go? I know that isn't your responsibility? But when parents are forced to take such drastic steps as eviction, our own maternal instincts require that we know the child has somewhere to go. So, I think you need to research homeless shelters in your area. Soup kitchens. The cost of a room at the YMCA, if you have one in your area. The cost of a bus pass. Does he have a backpack for his things? Are you going to pay for his phone after he leaves home? Are you going to be comfortable turning him out with no food, or are you going to send food with him? If he needs to go to a homeless shelter, how will he get there? What time does he need to be at the shelter in order to stay for the night? Is he planning to live in his car after the eviction? These are all questions that will become burning issues before you can be serious about evicting your child. If you know the answers to those questions, your attitude when you talk to your son will be different. I think he will sense that you mean it this time. Maybe, that will be enough to change his attitude, and the eviction will never have to happen. Right now, you are dealing with him from a position of weakness. You need to be coming from a place of strength. Knowledge is the tool you need, now. So, my advice is for you to explore where your son will be living once he is no longer living with you. Break through those psychological barriers all parents have against turning our children away. A good place to begin to find the information you need is your local Social Services office. This will be listed in the blue pages of your phone book. Or, go online and type in Social Services for your county and state. Look up shelter information. Look up YMCA. Make some phone calls. Even the Police Desk in your city can be an excellent reference for you. Any information is better than no information. You can sift through it, later. Another good place to begin is to dial "211." This number used to be a country-wide resource for accessing local social services. Since funding cutbacks have been put into effect, not all counties carry that 211 service, anymore. Nonetheless, there will be an emergency number for your county and state that you can access online. You need information. We need to interact with our difficult child kids from a position of strength. The only way to do that is to know what our options are. You may change your mind about making him leave a million times. He may sense your new determination, and change his ways. Or, you may have to act on what you learn through exploring options for homeless people. Not a one of us here is going to judge you for whatever you decide to do. We have all been where you are ~ scared, angry, tired and so, so frustrated and ashamed. When we are in these kinds of traps, we need to change something, or the same old things will keep happening. Gathering your forces, learning that your son will survive, if you do need to evict him ~ all these tiny pieces will give you strength and hope. And we will all be right here, too. There is so much strength to be found in posting here, in knowing that we are not alone. I'm glad you found us, too. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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