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Help! Son with Anti-Social Person. Disorder
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 603514" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Barbara, listen to me..........we all go through all of the same feelings you are going through right now. Most of us aren't bipolar or borderline, so how you are feeling is a human maternal response to a very dramatic situation which calls for drastic measures not one of us here wants to make. And, yet we are forced to. Many of us have PTSD as a result of what has occurred with our kids. <u><strong>You are not alone. </strong></u>Your responses are absolutely normal and the way anyone with a heart would respond. Do not beat yourself up for the reactions you're having. </p><p></p><p>Second of all, <u><strong>this is not your fault</strong></u>. You did not create this. Biologically you may have contributed to some of his issues, that is often the case, I passed on the genes to my daughter who has many issues. At a certain point in time, our kids become responsible for their own lives, we as parents give them what we give them, we bring them here, we bring them up and then we let them go. There is an end point. You have reached that end point. Leave the guilt behind because all it will serve to do is keep you stuck longer and have you suffer more. You did not do anything wrong. You did the best you could. You do not deserve to suffer for any perceived mistake you think you made. Forgive yourself and move on. If you knew better then, you would have done better then. We all would have. It is what it is. If you can take the guilt out of the equation, you will be able to make healthier choices.</p><p></p><p>If your ex does not want to support you, so be it. This is your home, your life, take care of it. If your son goes to your ex's or not is not your business. Once he is out of your home, they can all do what they want, it is not your issue, it is theirs. </p><p></p><p>What helped me the most was getting into therapy. Perhaps someone at your church can offer you some support, your pastor or priest. I believe you are going to need some professional counseling so you can sort through all of the feelings that are inherent in removing yourself from this unhealthy and dysfunctional connection you have with your son. Social Services often has counseling for a sliding scale. Investigate your options for yourself, so you can get the support you need to make the changes necessary, not only for your sake, but for your sons sake as well. He needs to grow up and man up and get on with his adult life. You have a life too, nurture that life, value it enough to get the help you need to do what has to be done. This is a very hard path you're on, there are so many feelings and emotions that surface and they hurt. If there are no family members who can help you, seek out professional support. Go to a codependents anonymous meeting in your area. Investigate parent groups for kids who have issues. Look into NAMI, National Alliance on Mental Illness, they are accessed online and have chapters everywhere. Do something for yourself. Once you take that step, you will begin to feel a tad better. Get help for YOU. Do it as soon as you can. Sending you many hugs and support for YOU.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 603514, member: 13542"] Barbara, listen to me..........we all go through all of the same feelings you are going through right now. Most of us aren't bipolar or borderline, so how you are feeling is a human maternal response to a very dramatic situation which calls for drastic measures not one of us here wants to make. And, yet we are forced to. Many of us have PTSD as a result of what has occurred with our kids. [U][B]You are not alone. [/B][/U]Your responses are absolutely normal and the way anyone with a heart would respond. Do not beat yourself up for the reactions you're having. Second of all, [U][B]this is not your fault[/B][/U]. You did not create this. Biologically you may have contributed to some of his issues, that is often the case, I passed on the genes to my daughter who has many issues. At a certain point in time, our kids become responsible for their own lives, we as parents give them what we give them, we bring them here, we bring them up and then we let them go. There is an end point. You have reached that end point. Leave the guilt behind because all it will serve to do is keep you stuck longer and have you suffer more. You did not do anything wrong. You did the best you could. You do not deserve to suffer for any perceived mistake you think you made. Forgive yourself and move on. If you knew better then, you would have done better then. We all would have. It is what it is. If you can take the guilt out of the equation, you will be able to make healthier choices. If your ex does not want to support you, so be it. This is your home, your life, take care of it. If your son goes to your ex's or not is not your business. Once he is out of your home, they can all do what they want, it is not your issue, it is theirs. What helped me the most was getting into therapy. Perhaps someone at your church can offer you some support, your pastor or priest. I believe you are going to need some professional counseling so you can sort through all of the feelings that are inherent in removing yourself from this unhealthy and dysfunctional connection you have with your son. Social Services often has counseling for a sliding scale. Investigate your options for yourself, so you can get the support you need to make the changes necessary, not only for your sake, but for your sons sake as well. He needs to grow up and man up and get on with his adult life. You have a life too, nurture that life, value it enough to get the help you need to do what has to be done. This is a very hard path you're on, there are so many feelings and emotions that surface and they hurt. If there are no family members who can help you, seek out professional support. Go to a codependents anonymous meeting in your area. Investigate parent groups for kids who have issues. Look into NAMI, National Alliance on Mental Illness, they are accessed online and have chapters everywhere. Do something for yourself. Once you take that step, you will begin to feel a tad better. Get help for YOU. Do it as soon as you can. Sending you many hugs and support for YOU. [/QUOTE]
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Help! Son with Anti-Social Person. Disorder
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