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Help! Son with Anti-Social Person. Disorder
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<blockquote data-quote="Gatheredtogether" data-source="post: 603537" data-attributes="member: 16711"><p>Recover, Thanks once again for you thorough advice. Last night before discussing the situation at hand I had my son take a small amount of his anti-anxiety medication. Without it he would have exploded. I told him to what I expected as far as getting a job. He explained how terrified he was and just the thought of it causes him anxiety & fear. I reminded him how well he did when he first went to high school (he was in a special high school..60 kids in all..he had been homeschooled up until that point) after the first week. I also told him what I experienced while looking for work after high school. Walking the streets of manhattan crying, shaking, scared to death. But I had no choice..it was expected of me and I did it. I got over it. He seemed to find some comfort in knowing I experience the same issues (we share many of the same emotional and physical issues). I explained that after a week or so he would feel better and then he would be fine. I also explained he wasn't allowed to choose where he would work. He is under the impression that he can't work at the grocery store, McDonald's etc. because it just makes him sick and it's depressing. I told him to take whatever he can find and then continue looking for something that may be more to his liking but he doesn't have the right think he is above certain jobs (he thinks that about many things, people, and situations). I didn't tell him I would ask him to leave if he didn't get a job but I did say he would not be happy with the consequences. I also explained that I will help him if he needs it (he has dysgraphia so has a hard time with applications) but I would not allow him to manipulate the situation. He admitted that he lies and manipulates. I also addressed his sleeping habits and told him that he could stay up until 2am and no later & he must take his sleep medication by 1am and he can wake no later than 11. I felt this is a good start considering his current sleeping habits (5 am to 4 or 5 pm). My plan is (an please give me any input if you disagree) if he does not get a job within the allotted time I would tell him at that point he will be moving out and he has a week to get a plan put into action. I feel that asking him to find a job and think about moving all in one week would cause stress overload. He's already stressed with-o doing anything! But he already knows, without my spelling it out for him, that it's what I will require because I mentioned it would be best for both of us if we were separated if things didn't change. I fully expect he will try to stretch this out, give excuses for not finding work, say it's not his fault he couldn't find one in time etc. But I will stand my ground. Thank you again for helping me through this. I am going to concentrate on helping myself by finding a support group of some kind as you mentioned. I can't do this alone and it would be so nice to have people to talk to because I have no friends locally and even if I did they wouldn't understand all the dynamics of this situation.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Gatheredtogether, post: 603537, member: 16711"] Recover, Thanks once again for you thorough advice. Last night before discussing the situation at hand I had my son take a small amount of his anti-anxiety medication. Without it he would have exploded. I told him to what I expected as far as getting a job. He explained how terrified he was and just the thought of it causes him anxiety & fear. I reminded him how well he did when he first went to high school (he was in a special high school..60 kids in all..he had been homeschooled up until that point) after the first week. I also told him what I experienced while looking for work after high school. Walking the streets of manhattan crying, shaking, scared to death. But I had no choice..it was expected of me and I did it. I got over it. He seemed to find some comfort in knowing I experience the same issues (we share many of the same emotional and physical issues). I explained that after a week or so he would feel better and then he would be fine. I also explained he wasn't allowed to choose where he would work. He is under the impression that he can't work at the grocery store, McDonald's etc. because it just makes him sick and it's depressing. I told him to take whatever he can find and then continue looking for something that may be more to his liking but he doesn't have the right think he is above certain jobs (he thinks that about many things, people, and situations). I didn't tell him I would ask him to leave if he didn't get a job but I did say he would not be happy with the consequences. I also explained that I will help him if he needs it (he has dysgraphia so has a hard time with applications) but I would not allow him to manipulate the situation. He admitted that he lies and manipulates. I also addressed his sleeping habits and told him that he could stay up until 2am and no later & he must take his sleep medication by 1am and he can wake no later than 11. I felt this is a good start considering his current sleeping habits (5 am to 4 or 5 pm). My plan is (an please give me any input if you disagree) if he does not get a job within the allotted time I would tell him at that point he will be moving out and he has a week to get a plan put into action. I feel that asking him to find a job and think about moving all in one week would cause stress overload. He's already stressed with-o doing anything! But he already knows, without my spelling it out for him, that it's what I will require because I mentioned it would be best for both of us if we were separated if things didn't change. I fully expect he will try to stretch this out, give excuses for not finding work, say it's not his fault he couldn't find one in time etc. But I will stand my ground. Thank you again for helping me through this. I am going to concentrate on helping myself by finding a support group of some kind as you mentioned. I can't do this alone and it would be so nice to have people to talk to because I have no friends locally and even if I did they wouldn't understand all the dynamics of this situation. [/QUOTE]
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