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Help! Son with Anti-Social Person. Disorder
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<blockquote data-quote="Gatheredtogether" data-source="post: 603607" data-attributes="member: 16711"><p>Hi,</p><p>Just thought I'd check in to update the events of yesterday. My son did not wake up at 11 as I had asked him to. When he finally did wake up about 2:30 he was upset and ran to me asking why I didn't get him up. It was his belief that I'd wake him. I cut that short immediately and explained that it wasn't my understanding that I'd help him get up if he didn't on his own. He was very upset and said how can he ever keep a job if he can't get up. I knew then he wasn't seeing this as taking steps in a direction but as one big thing issue. Sleep, job, anxiety, fears, responsibility, etc to be conquered all at once. We sat and talked about this and I explained how hard it is to change habits. I made a point of telling him that it had to been done some day if not today the next month, or next year. But as time goes by the hill he must climb grows and the importance of climbing it while it's not a mountain. He, once again, shared how frightened he is. I then said the following:</p><p></p><p>I told him I wanted him to know that I have a mountain of my own to climb that is very difficult and painful and I'm petrified. I explained I have changes to make to help both of us improve our relationship and our individual lives. I told him we can not go on living like we are and it would be so nice if we grew apart in a healthy way and came together again as whole individuals that can rejoice in the things we've managed to accomplish. How great it will feel to be free and share life at the same time. I showed my fear (it's hard not to). I wasn't hysterical but I was teary. I felt good about what I said and think it was just the right thing. I hadn't planned it. It just came to me as the right thing to do. I'm not going to explain my co-dependency issues but he understood enough to know I have to break free from him and vice versa. </p><p></p><p>He spent the next few hours applying for jobs online and asked if I'd help him (he forgets details...when did I graduate etc). I gave him a list of things he needed to know and he used it to fill out 3 applications. He also contacted a friend to ask if he knew of any jobs. Oh, there was one other thing. He said how unfair it is that he has to feel this fear and anxiety for the rest of his life. I agreed that it was unfair but we all have something. I then reminded him of his good friend who has anxiety related problems and had a break down when he went away to college and had to return home. I explained how he could have been bitter that he couldn't live the life so many of his friends lived. But instead he is moving on with what he is capable of doing (this boy has a very wise, supportive father). As I'm writing this I'm realizing how important it is for him to spend time with others that have issues similar to his. He's been to groups, and therapy etc. But the few friends he has from hs that he kept in touch with should be more a part of his life instead of only the kids that he associates with now which are his band friends who manage to accomplish, what to him, are magical feats...jobs, school, band practice and some are in more than one band. </p><p></p><p>I'm not going to fool myself into believing this is going to go smoothly from here on because I know it isn't. We didn't arrive he in a day and it's going to be a long road to freedom. But thankfully I've found this forum and am on my way to helping myself which will inevitably help my son. </p><p></p><p>Thank you again so much. I wish I could express how grateful I am better than mere thank you's. </p><p>Have a wonderful day!</p><p></p><p>*Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Gatheredtogether, post: 603607, member: 16711"] Hi, Just thought I'd check in to update the events of yesterday. My son did not wake up at 11 as I had asked him to. When he finally did wake up about 2:30 he was upset and ran to me asking why I didn't get him up. It was his belief that I'd wake him. I cut that short immediately and explained that it wasn't my understanding that I'd help him get up if he didn't on his own. He was very upset and said how can he ever keep a job if he can't get up. I knew then he wasn't seeing this as taking steps in a direction but as one big thing issue. Sleep, job, anxiety, fears, responsibility, etc to be conquered all at once. We sat and talked about this and I explained how hard it is to change habits. I made a point of telling him that it had to been done some day if not today the next month, or next year. But as time goes by the hill he must climb grows and the importance of climbing it while it's not a mountain. He, once again, shared how frightened he is. I then said the following: I told him I wanted him to know that I have a mountain of my own to climb that is very difficult and painful and I'm petrified. I explained I have changes to make to help both of us improve our relationship and our individual lives. I told him we can not go on living like we are and it would be so nice if we grew apart in a healthy way and came together again as whole individuals that can rejoice in the things we've managed to accomplish. How great it will feel to be free and share life at the same time. I showed my fear (it's hard not to). I wasn't hysterical but I was teary. I felt good about what I said and think it was just the right thing. I hadn't planned it. It just came to me as the right thing to do. I'm not going to explain my co-dependency issues but he understood enough to know I have to break free from him and vice versa. He spent the next few hours applying for jobs online and asked if I'd help him (he forgets details...when did I graduate etc). I gave him a list of things he needed to know and he used it to fill out 3 applications. He also contacted a friend to ask if he knew of any jobs. Oh, there was one other thing. He said how unfair it is that he has to feel this fear and anxiety for the rest of his life. I agreed that it was unfair but we all have something. I then reminded him of his good friend who has anxiety related problems and had a break down when he went away to college and had to return home. I explained how he could have been bitter that he couldn't live the life so many of his friends lived. But instead he is moving on with what he is capable of doing (this boy has a very wise, supportive father). As I'm writing this I'm realizing how important it is for him to spend time with others that have issues similar to his. He's been to groups, and therapy etc. But the few friends he has from hs that he kept in touch with should be more a part of his life instead of only the kids that he associates with now which are his band friends who manage to accomplish, what to him, are magical feats...jobs, school, band practice and some are in more than one band. I'm not going to fool myself into believing this is going to go smoothly from here on because I know it isn't. We didn't arrive he in a day and it's going to be a long road to freedom. But thankfully I've found this forum and am on my way to helping myself which will inevitably help my son. Thank you again so much. I wish I could express how grateful I am better than mere thank you's. Have a wonderful day! *Barbara [/QUOTE]
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