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Help with pedophile teenager
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 703985" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>It is okay to feel whatever you feel. It may be that your son's 'affectionate' pats pats were meant in a manner that was not affectionate by him, that he got a different feel from them. THat you picked up on this was something from your subconscious and just is what it is. You CANNOT help your feeling, and are NOT to blame for them. In fact, they are there to protect you and have been telling you that something is off. THey likely are a big part of what led you to find this big problem. </p><p></p><p>One big thing our society tends to do is tell us that certain feelings are 'wrong', that we 'must' allow certain touches. I have been forever grateful to my mother for going against that in my own childhood. I was allowed to not be hugged by a relative if I didn't want to be hugged, and I was told that if I felt someone gave me the creeps then it was okay to avoid them. THere is an older man in our town who gave me the creeps as a teen (he was middle aged then). He gave my daughter the creeps a few years ago when he tried to talk to her in the video store. He was arrested about a year ago, this pillar of a local church, for molesting several youths of his church, and it has been learned that he has been assaulting children since I was in my teens but no one spoke up because he was such an upstanding man. He approached me as a teen, approached my daughter, and approached MANY other young teen girls I knew. Those of us who trusted our feelings stayed away from him. Many girls were told those feelings were 'wrong' about a man with his reputation, and they ended up very hurt.</p><p></p><p>Your feelings are not wrong. NOT. EVER. They may not be comfortable, but they are not wrong. Right nowyou don't HAVE to see your son. You need to focus on the children he has hurt. Focus on coping with what you can and figuring out what you can cope with. </p><p></p><p>Please, know that this isn't your fault. You can only control so much. The rest of us had to learn that we could not control our children's choices. You need to learn this also. If your son truly continues this path, and he could, you cannot stop him. You can enforce consequences, and protect his siblings from his choices. But that is it. His choices are NOT YOUR FAULT.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 703985, member: 1233"] It is okay to feel whatever you feel. It may be that your son's 'affectionate' pats pats were meant in a manner that was not affectionate by him, that he got a different feel from them. THat you picked up on this was something from your subconscious and just is what it is. You CANNOT help your feeling, and are NOT to blame for them. In fact, they are there to protect you and have been telling you that something is off. THey likely are a big part of what led you to find this big problem. One big thing our society tends to do is tell us that certain feelings are 'wrong', that we 'must' allow certain touches. I have been forever grateful to my mother for going against that in my own childhood. I was allowed to not be hugged by a relative if I didn't want to be hugged, and I was told that if I felt someone gave me the creeps then it was okay to avoid them. THere is an older man in our town who gave me the creeps as a teen (he was middle aged then). He gave my daughter the creeps a few years ago when he tried to talk to her in the video store. He was arrested about a year ago, this pillar of a local church, for molesting several youths of his church, and it has been learned that he has been assaulting children since I was in my teens but no one spoke up because he was such an upstanding man. He approached me as a teen, approached my daughter, and approached MANY other young teen girls I knew. Those of us who trusted our feelings stayed away from him. Many girls were told those feelings were 'wrong' about a man with his reputation, and they ended up very hurt. Your feelings are not wrong. NOT. EVER. They may not be comfortable, but they are not wrong. Right nowyou don't HAVE to see your son. You need to focus on the children he has hurt. Focus on coping with what you can and figuring out what you can cope with. Please, know that this isn't your fault. You can only control so much. The rest of us had to learn that we could not control our children's choices. You need to learn this also. If your son truly continues this path, and he could, you cannot stop him. You can enforce consequences, and protect his siblings from his choices. But that is it. His choices are NOT YOUR FAULT. [/QUOTE]
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