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<blockquote data-quote="kris" data-source="post: 17931" data-attributes="member: 74"><p><span style="color: #660000">hope, what i'm going to say is going to sound harsh & i admit i've never walked in this particular pair of shoes so take it for what it's worth.</p><p></p><p>i often think the worst thing that can happen to a difficult child on probation is a PO who *cares*. why? because it interferes with-the natural consequences of the situation. probation give them the chance to make things better. if the PO isn't there following through on consequence because THEY CARE so much about difficult child then they are not doing their job. it does a disservice to the person who the crime was committed against, it does a disservice to the parent trying to get help for their kid (& yes, sometimes jail time is the help they need), but most importantly it does a grave disservice to the difficult child involved. it allows him/her to continue the magical thinking that they are untouchable.....that they will always get over on the system. the sad truth is that eventually it WILL catch up with-them. if this were my kid i'd be talking to the PO & insisting she write the warrant. </p><p></p><p>as for a contract.....i have no faith in them as they are rarely followed. he'll sign anything if it means he can return to safe harbor....then ignore it completely. then your life will be h*e*l*l yet again. yes, he wants you to fix things for him. the best thing you can do for him is NOT fix things for him. if he doesn't man up now, whether by choice or circumstances, when will he? that, in my opinion, is the best way you can help him *fix* things. </p><p></p><p>i'm not saying any of this is easy. it's a radical shift for you to take a hard line & let him face his consequences. i know that. i really do. i'm sorry he's put you in this position in the first place. </p><p></p><p>kris </span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="kris, post: 17931, member: 74"] <span style="color: #660000">hope, what i'm going to say is going to sound harsh & i admit i've never walked in this particular pair of shoes so take it for what it's worth. i often think the worst thing that can happen to a difficult child on probation is a PO who *cares*. why? because it interferes with-the natural consequences of the situation. probation give them the chance to make things better. if the PO isn't there following through on consequence because THEY CARE so much about difficult child then they are not doing their job. it does a disservice to the person who the crime was committed against, it does a disservice to the parent trying to get help for their kid (& yes, sometimes jail time is the help they need), but most importantly it does a grave disservice to the difficult child involved. it allows him/her to continue the magical thinking that they are untouchable.....that they will always get over on the system. the sad truth is that eventually it WILL catch up with-them. if this were my kid i'd be talking to the PO & insisting she write the warrant. as for a contract.....i have no faith in them as they are rarely followed. he'll sign anything if it means he can return to safe harbor....then ignore it completely. then your life will be h*e*l*l yet again. yes, he wants you to fix things for him. the best thing you can do for him is NOT fix things for him. if he doesn't man up now, whether by choice or circumstances, when will he? that, in my opinion, is the best way you can help him *fix* things. i'm not saying any of this is easy. it's a radical shift for you to take a hard line & let him face his consequences. i know that. i really do. i'm sorry he's put you in this position in the first place. kris </span> [/QUOTE]
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