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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 752337" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Welcome. I am sorry. This is indeed serious. And part of the problem is his age. If you live in the USA, this means, when he turns 18 you will have no control whatsoever, legally. But at 17 you are still responsible for him and to a large extent for his behavior.</p><p></p><p>You say he pretty much does whatever he wants. This is a huge part of the problem as I see it. It's awfully hard to get the genie back in the bottle, but you have to try anyway.</p><p></p><p>This is what I think I would do. I would cut back on any privileges. If you give him spending money, pull way back, or stop it. You can STOP picking him up and giving him rides. Why would you do that if he disrespects you, insults you and keeps you waiting? I might consider giving him access to the house unless you are present. Get one of those front door locks with a code. You can program them.</p><p></p><p>You are only legally required to house him, to feed him and to not mistreat him. He is not entitled to his own room, to a door on his room, or even to an allowance.</p><p></p><p>He will also require way more supervision. If you work, you may need to find a way to have him supervised after school. Has he been going to school?</p><p></p><p>As far as physical violence towards you, like this:</p><p></p><p>I would call the police and make a police report. Every.single.time I would call the police. If my son was verbally aggressive, I called the police, too. I thought I was ahead of the game if he had to speak to the officer.</p><p>I would try to prevail on husband to not engage. Rather, I would call the police.</p><p>Is he using drugs and/or drinking? His defensiveness is ringing alarm bells for me. What else is going on? I would insist upon a drug test. From a medical laboratory. I would NOT give him advance notice. One type you can order yourselves (the pee one). The hair test which reveals drug use for the past 30 to 60 days needs to be ordered by a physician. I think there is a good chance he's using drugs.</p><p>This is outrageous. I'm sorry.</p><p></p><p>Your task as I see it is to empower yourselves and to disempower him. He feels and acts as if he is the power player in the family and in the household. This is what has to change. He may not accept this. He may fight you. Then you will have to make a new set of decisions. Do you escalate or do you make another plan?</p><p></p><p>If he's using drugs, the course is clear: Drug Treatment.</p><p></p><p>Of course this may be way more complicated than I lay out. But you have to start somewhere. As you try to get control, more information will come out. As I see it you have to take control and you have to stop his abuse of you.</p><p></p><p>I am very sorry this is happening. Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 752337, member: 18958"] Welcome. I am sorry. This is indeed serious. And part of the problem is his age. If you live in the USA, this means, when he turns 18 you will have no control whatsoever, legally. But at 17 you are still responsible for him and to a large extent for his behavior. You say he pretty much does whatever he wants. This is a huge part of the problem as I see it. It's awfully hard to get the genie back in the bottle, but you have to try anyway. This is what I think I would do. I would cut back on any privileges. If you give him spending money, pull way back, or stop it. You can STOP picking him up and giving him rides. Why would you do that if he disrespects you, insults you and keeps you waiting? I might consider giving him access to the house unless you are present. Get one of those front door locks with a code. You can program them. You are only legally required to house him, to feed him and to not mistreat him. He is not entitled to his own room, to a door on his room, or even to an allowance. He will also require way more supervision. If you work, you may need to find a way to have him supervised after school. Has he been going to school? As far as physical violence towards you, like this: I would call the police and make a police report. Every.single.time I would call the police. If my son was verbally aggressive, I called the police, too. I thought I was ahead of the game if he had to speak to the officer. I would try to prevail on husband to not engage. Rather, I would call the police. Is he using drugs and/or drinking? His defensiveness is ringing alarm bells for me. What else is going on? I would insist upon a drug test. From a medical laboratory. I would NOT give him advance notice. One type you can order yourselves (the pee one). The hair test which reveals drug use for the past 30 to 60 days needs to be ordered by a physician. I think there is a good chance he's using drugs. This is outrageous. I'm sorry. Your task as I see it is to empower yourselves and to disempower him. He feels and acts as if he is the power player in the family and in the household. This is what has to change. He may not accept this. He may fight you. Then you will have to make a new set of decisions. Do you escalate or do you make another plan? If he's using drugs, the course is clear: Drug Treatment. Of course this may be way more complicated than I lay out. But you have to start somewhere. As you try to get control, more information will come out. As I see it you have to take control and you have to stop his abuse of you. I am very sorry this is happening. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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