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Parent Emeritus
Her Reactive Attachment Disorder Will Kill Me
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<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 741414" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>I think it's really hard to know from the outside, over the internet, how serious the threat is and whether cutting off all contact is the right and necessary approach or not. DM, know that we will not judge you no matter which path you choose. I would urge you to make your safety and peace a priority and proceed accordingly. Whether that means cutting off contact at this point only you can know. </p><p></p><p>My experience with getting restraining orders was that it isn't always that easy. Here, at least, you have to have either an immediate and credible threat or a pattern of persistent harassment. I was able to get one against my ex-husband because he actually hurt me. I haven't been able to get one against my stalker because he skates the edge - contact isn't quite consistent enough to establish a pattern, and he hasn't made threats. He creeps me out, but the most the police have done is stop by and politely tell him to knock it off. That bought me about 6 months of peace, anyway. </p><p></p><p>I would definitely file a report to get this on file, though, because that's how you establish a pattern. Your local police can give you better guidance on what would rise to the level of restraining order in your case. Maybe with the veiled threat it will, but they may say it's not direct enough. </p><p></p><p>If you feel unsafe, please do take steps to protect yourself. Maybe that means a security system and just staying vigilant. Maybe that means moving and masking your address. Maybe that means keeping your new location secret from your daughter and only meeting her in public, but keeping communication lines open and still trying to help her from a distance. Maybe that means disappearing and cutting off all contact. Only you know what feels right for your situation. If it were me, I would lean towards trying to keep the connection open, while still protecting myself. But I am not in your shoes and I don't know how to evaluate the threat level for you from a distance, and I know I don't know the full picture of all of the ways you have already tried to help her in the past. I know you have already persisted through so much more pain than most parents can imagine. I am so sorry you are in the position of having to fear the child you loved and raised. </p><p></p><p>Big hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 741414, member: 23349"] I think it's really hard to know from the outside, over the internet, how serious the threat is and whether cutting off all contact is the right and necessary approach or not. DM, know that we will not judge you no matter which path you choose. I would urge you to make your safety and peace a priority and proceed accordingly. Whether that means cutting off contact at this point only you can know. My experience with getting restraining orders was that it isn't always that easy. Here, at least, you have to have either an immediate and credible threat or a pattern of persistent harassment. I was able to get one against my ex-husband because he actually hurt me. I haven't been able to get one against my stalker because he skates the edge - contact isn't quite consistent enough to establish a pattern, and he hasn't made threats. He creeps me out, but the most the police have done is stop by and politely tell him to knock it off. That bought me about 6 months of peace, anyway. I would definitely file a report to get this on file, though, because that's how you establish a pattern. Your local police can give you better guidance on what would rise to the level of restraining order in your case. Maybe with the veiled threat it will, but they may say it's not direct enough. If you feel unsafe, please do take steps to protect yourself. Maybe that means a security system and just staying vigilant. Maybe that means moving and masking your address. Maybe that means keeping your new location secret from your daughter and only meeting her in public, but keeping communication lines open and still trying to help her from a distance. Maybe that means disappearing and cutting off all contact. Only you know what feels right for your situation. If it were me, I would lean towards trying to keep the connection open, while still protecting myself. But I am not in your shoes and I don't know how to evaluate the threat level for you from a distance, and I know I don't know the full picture of all of the ways you have already tried to help her in the past. I know you have already persisted through so much more pain than most parents can imagine. I am so sorry you are in the position of having to fear the child you loved and raised. Big hugs. [/QUOTE]
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Her Reactive Attachment Disorder Will Kill Me
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