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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 728730" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>HI Leamac, I am so sorry for your troubles with your daughter and your need to be here. I am headed to work so will be brief. This ran through my mind as I read your post- "Nothing changes, if nothing changes." </p><p>Why do these adult d cs think it is our obligation to get them out of the holes they dig for themselves? If your daughter were truly changing, I don't think she would be demanding money for gas, making excuses and sending abusive, blaming, swearing texts to her father. FOG (Fear, Obligation and Guilt) alert! The more we try to stand up and say "You are capable" the more they try to draw us back in to the spin of it all. I believe this is a strong signal to you to keep your guard up, stand firm, please don't let her manipulate you.</p><p>As for taking care of her baby, that is her mess she made. It is NOT your fault. I am sorry she feels this way, as a grandmother I know how difficult it can be. Heart wrenching. One has to weigh what we are capable and willing to do against our wishes for our grands to live a good life too. I have three grands who are not living with me for various reasons, and it is not easy. I love them dearly, but cannot take them in.</p><p>Don't apologize for venting, we have all been there, when the absurdity of our d cs situations gets overwhelming. </p><p>Stay strong and be kind to yourself. This stuff can be so stressful, emotionally and mentally exhausting.</p><p>You matter, your time and relationship with your husband matters.</p><p>Take care. Sending warm and gentle hugs of understanding!</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 728730, member: 19522"] HI Leamac, I am so sorry for your troubles with your daughter and your need to be here. I am headed to work so will be brief. This ran through my mind as I read your post- "Nothing changes, if nothing changes." Why do these adult d cs think it is our obligation to get them out of the holes they dig for themselves? If your daughter were truly changing, I don't think she would be demanding money for gas, making excuses and sending abusive, blaming, swearing texts to her father. FOG (Fear, Obligation and Guilt) alert! The more we try to stand up and say "You are capable" the more they try to draw us back in to the spin of it all. I believe this is a strong signal to you to keep your guard up, stand firm, please don't let her manipulate you. As for taking care of her baby, that is her mess she made. It is NOT your fault. I am sorry she feels this way, as a grandmother I know how difficult it can be. Heart wrenching. One has to weigh what we are capable and willing to do against our wishes for our grands to live a good life too. I have three grands who are not living with me for various reasons, and it is not easy. I love them dearly, but cannot take them in. Don't apologize for venting, we have all been there, when the absurdity of our d cs situations gets overwhelming. Stay strong and be kind to yourself. This stuff can be so stressful, emotionally and mentally exhausting. You matter, your time and relationship with your husband matters. Take care. Sending warm and gentle hugs of understanding! Leafy [/QUOTE]
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