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He's been kicked out of the shelter
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<blockquote data-quote="2much2recover" data-source="post: 643259" data-attributes="member: 18366"><p>Lil, what a wonderful, loving, sacrificing family you were lucky enough to have been there for you as you aged into adulthood.</p><p>Maybe you are trying to re-create that with your son and it is only natural that you would want to share this love and kindness with someone so special to your heart. What you are trying to do is in being a great parent, like you had, it would be great if you were dealing with a child more like yourself. The only thing is add in the DNA of his birth father and who really knows how much of "your experiences" vs "father's experiences" he is behaving on. (DNA MIX)</p><p>I know how your heart must ache to not be able to trust enough to be able to "share" these gifts of love with your son because, at least for now, he is unable to accept that from you. It doesn't mean never will, just not right now. Only time will tell how this works out. As far as your difficult child stands, unlike other stories, I think there is a great possibility that he may be suffering from the new term "delayed adolescence." But make no doubt this is not an excuse. In a situation such as this the MOST LOVING thing to do is to allow him to finish the growing up part his own so HE get's to feel the normal feeling of becoming independent. Even that striving for independence is what younger children do to us even as it is known in pop psychology. The last thing you want to do is interfere with this last push towards independence because his own self-esteem and sense of self-reliance are very important factors for him to learn to become a fully functional adult.</p><p></p><p>I thought long and hard about your situation and something that came into my mind about looking for resources: is there any program where you live that helps to teach life skills for adults? Also remind yourself when he is struggling (and yes when he is mis-behaving) that if he doesn't have any real life skills, the world has to be a scary place for a young person. I feel he pulls his crap so that you will take him back because being out in the world is just to damn scary. That and add in the DNA factor of "I'll do what I want to do" and of course the situation gets difficult for YOU to bare. You have said though, you do believe in him enough to that he can do things like opening a bank account and other easier life skills. </p><p></p><p>Allow yourself time, again and again to stop, then forgive yourself for wanting to control how the situation turns out, and as you difficult child proceeds on his path to full adulthood <em>on his own terms </em>he just may surprise you.</p><p></p><p>Without any skills, I hate to say it, but if something happened to you and Jabber, how would your son survive on his own without life skills?</p><p></p><p>Mantra when you are in full panic and want to control the outcome, either: Breathe, Lil, Breathe, OR Let go and Let God. Love him enough to earn the skills to tackle life. Give him that gift. Let that be the way you love him strongly and with all your heart.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="2much2recover, post: 643259, member: 18366"] Lil, what a wonderful, loving, sacrificing family you were lucky enough to have been there for you as you aged into adulthood. Maybe you are trying to re-create that with your son and it is only natural that you would want to share this love and kindness with someone so special to your heart. What you are trying to do is in being a great parent, like you had, it would be great if you were dealing with a child more like yourself. The only thing is add in the DNA of his birth father and who really knows how much of "your experiences" vs "father's experiences" he is behaving on. (DNA MIX) I know how your heart must ache to not be able to trust enough to be able to "share" these gifts of love with your son because, at least for now, he is unable to accept that from you. It doesn't mean never will, just not right now. Only time will tell how this works out. As far as your difficult child stands, unlike other stories, I think there is a great possibility that he may be suffering from the new term "delayed adolescence." But make no doubt this is not an excuse. In a situation such as this the MOST LOVING thing to do is to allow him to finish the growing up part his own so HE get's to feel the normal feeling of becoming independent. Even that striving for independence is what younger children do to us even as it is known in pop psychology. The last thing you want to do is interfere with this last push towards independence because his own self-esteem and sense of self-reliance are very important factors for him to learn to become a fully functional adult. I thought long and hard about your situation and something that came into my mind about looking for resources: is there any program where you live that helps to teach life skills for adults? Also remind yourself when he is struggling (and yes when he is mis-behaving) that if he doesn't have any real life skills, the world has to be a scary place for a young person. I feel he pulls his crap so that you will take him back because being out in the world is just to damn scary. That and add in the DNA factor of "I'll do what I want to do" and of course the situation gets difficult for YOU to bare. You have said though, you do believe in him enough to that he can do things like opening a bank account and other easier life skills. Allow yourself time, again and again to stop, then forgive yourself for wanting to control how the situation turns out, and as you difficult child proceeds on his path to full adulthood [I]on his own terms [/I]he just may surprise you. Without any skills, I hate to say it, but if something happened to you and Jabber, how would your son survive on his own without life skills? Mantra when you are in full panic and want to control the outcome, either: Breathe, Lil, Breathe, OR Let go and Let God. Love him enough to earn the skills to tackle life. Give him that gift. Let that be the way you love him strongly and with all your heart. [/QUOTE]
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