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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 659138" data-attributes="member: 17461">Could you be trying to figure out what is real, Copa?&nbsp; Could it be that you hate the way she reflects who you are to you, but you feel hypnotized into looking, into believing, because you have her on a pedestal in your heart labeled &quot;sister&quot;?I learned I don't love the actual, flesh and blood person who is my sister.&nbsp; I love the sister I believed her into being.&nbsp; In reality, she never was that sister I loved.And she certainly despises me.She would have to.&nbsp; People do not treat people they love badly.Yes.&nbsp; And trying to make sense of how the bad parts could have happened.&nbsp; But then, as we really begin reviewing the courses of our relationships with the abusers in our lives, we realize there was never a good part.&nbsp; Not one, not once.&nbsp; We imagined there must be.&nbsp; We forgave what was and believed in them; we believed they were like us.They are not.Not only that.&nbsp; Like my mother, SWOT's mom played a vicious game to the lengths she was capable of.&nbsp; Reaching right out of the grave to sink that knife one more time.Despicable.Wizened and shriveled and toxic.I used to think that way too.&nbsp; But then how do we account for the salesmanlike quality of these personalities?&nbsp; They routinely dehumanize everyone around them.&nbsp; They take money from strangers on airplanes, from sisters and grandmothers and friends.&nbsp; They expect us to buy them things and look down on us when we do not.&nbsp; They take and take and take and never give.&nbsp; When they do give, they call it &quot;seeding into&quot;.&nbsp; (That is what my sister calls anything she does.&nbsp; Seeding into.)&nbsp; We give from a generous spirit.&nbsp; We give for the happiness in it, for the flash of self and other in it.But we have a problem with taking.That is the difference.Yes, and we so merit forgiveness and strong loving.&nbsp; Strong, strong loving, and joy.We don't understand their realities.&nbsp; We keep trying to make the things they do fit into a constellation of stars they have never seen.&nbsp;Then I will describe this true thing for you, Copa.&nbsp; She played a mean and dirty trick.&nbsp; That mindset, the mindset from which she operates and through which she filters reality, that is Hell.&nbsp; The reality from which she greets each day, that is Hell.You did not put her there.&nbsp; You cannot save her from it.She chose it.She chooses it every day she does not return those things that are yours, and that are precious to you.That is a choice for her.&nbsp; Could this be a part of how she holds you in thrall, Copa?I am out of time for today.&nbsp; Baklava grand is here and we are going out for the day, and for dinner.Cedar</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 659138, member: 17461"] Could you be trying to figure out what is real, Copa? Could it be that you hate the way she reflects who you are to you, but you feel hypnotized into looking, into believing, because you have her on a pedestal in your heart labeled "sister"? I learned I don't love the actual, flesh and blood person who is my sister. I love the sister I believed her into being. In reality, she never was that sister I loved. And she certainly despises me. She would have to. People do not treat people they love badly. Yes. And trying to make sense of how the bad parts could have happened. But then, as we really begin reviewing the courses of our relationships with the abusers in our lives, we realize there was never a good part. Not one, not once. We imagined there must be. We forgave what was and believed in them; we believed they were like us. They are not. Not only that. Like my mother, SWOT's mom played a vicious game to the lengths she was capable of. Reaching right out of the grave to sink that knife one more time. Despicable. Wizened and shriveled and toxic. I used to think that way too. But then how do we account for the salesmanlike quality of these personalities? They routinely dehumanize everyone around them. They take money from strangers on airplanes, from sisters and grandmothers and friends. They expect us to buy them things and look down on us when we do not. They take and take and take and never give. When they do give, they call it "seeding into". (That is what my sister calls anything she does. Seeding into.) We give from a generous spirit. We give for the happiness in it, for the flash of self and other in it. But we have a problem with taking. That is the difference. Yes, and we so merit forgiveness and strong loving. Strong, strong loving, and joy. We don't understand their realities. We keep trying to make the things they do fit into a constellation of stars they have never seen. Then I will describe this true thing for you, Copa. She played a mean and dirty trick. That mindset, the mindset from which she operates and through which she filters reality, that is Hell. The reality from which she greets each day, that is Hell. You did not put her there. You cannot save her from it. She chose it. She chooses it every day she does not return those things that are yours, and that are precious to you. That is a choice for her. Could this be a part of how she holds you in thrall, Copa? I am out of time for today. Baklava grand is here and we are going out for the day, and for dinner. Cedar [/QUOTE]

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