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Message: <blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 659293" data-attributes="member: 1550">I don't understand. Would you please explain?Why do you love them when they treated you so badly? What qualities do they have that makes you still love them? Is it a habit? What you think is right? Do you love THEM or who you wanted them to be?It is easy for me to look back at some times in my childhood w hen my mother was nice to me. I was in a play once and had to sing "How Lovely to be a Woman" from Bye-Bye Birdie. We did the play, actually. That was my song. I was known as a kid who was average in singing, but who really brought it home when the show was on.That was probably my shining moment in my entire childhood. I had worked with my mother, who was very interested in this part of my life, and I brought down the house. My teacher, who was not exactly known for his nice words, stood up, clapping and said, "Now, SWOT, that was REALLY professionally! Fantastic!" And everyone went wild, including my mother. We locked eyes and I saw the pride and joy for ME. ME.I loved that mom. I still do.Then I remember sitting in my brother's room playing a hockey game he had and she burst in and started yelling at me. I forgot why, but brother was sitting there watching and listening. She was screaming about my selfishness and what I had done wrong THIS time. Then she went into mocking mode and started using her loud mocking voice and waving her arms as she belittled me. "I'm SWOT and I don't care about anyone in the family. But hockey, I CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARE (long and belittling)! Stan Makita (hockey player) I CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARE! Bobby Hull (hockey player) I CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARE! THAT is who you care about...strangers!" I was mortified as she went on. I was also very interested in handwriting analysis and had showed her one day how generousity was shown when a person had outgoing terminals in their letters so she went after that. "Let me tell you something, HONEY, you'd better getting some OUTGOING TERMINALS IN YOUR LIFE..."I did not recall that word for word, except t he part about the hockey players and I can still hearing her mocking me about the outgoing terminals. The little girl SWOT was feeling very small and stupid and bad. I remember t hat too because I still feel that way sometimes.I loved that mother too, at the time, and felt, "I'm such an idiot. I always do everything wrong."But when I look back as the adult me, I wonder if I can still love those horrible memories t hat are the reason I spent most of my life not feeling adequate and good or even nice.I don't love who my mother was. And she IS who she WAS. So how can I say I love her? She was so cruel to me, especially after my grandmother passed away.Are you sure what you feel is love...or the feeling that you SHOULD love your FOO?I get confused about this too, but I have worked hard and thought a lot about it. She had reluctantly given me life. She made it clear she had not felt love for me even as an infant.How do you two validate your love for these people who mistreated you? Perhaps it will give me a softer edge when I think of my FOO. right now I'm in full apathy mode.</blockquote>

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