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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 659420" data-attributes="member: 1550">I don't know if I'm going to be able to get my point across, but I hope I can, even if it doesn't work for you. You are using one of the thinking errors I posted: Black and white/all or nothing thinking. Just because you don't have your FOO, and it sounds as if yours is very small like mine, does NOT mean you have nothing. That is intrinsically untrue.&nbsp; Who do you spend the holidays with? The same people everyone does when their FOO is a sham. Their REAL family--their made family or their friends who love them and whom you love like family. Maybe even your son, who is NOT your FOO, but is still your son, right? This is faulty thinking. You don't need your sister and you didn't need your mother in order to be somebody. You are not them. They are not you. You are far kinder and more giving.Anyone can have a good life without their FOO, especially if the people in it are toxic to us. Of course, my rantings are just my own thoughts and I respect how you feel too. Just thought I'd show you a different perspective. Copa, I have NO FOO and I am not at all alone. And you don't need to be either. What about M?</blockquote>

[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 659420, member: 1550"] I don't know if I'm going to be able to get my point across, but I hope I can, even if it doesn't work for you. You are using one of the thinking errors I posted: Black and white/all or nothing thinking. Just because you don't have your FOO, and it sounds as if yours is very small like mine, does NOT mean you have nothing. That is intrinsically untrue. Who do you spend the holidays with? The same people everyone does when their FOO is a sham. Their REAL family--their made family or their friends who love them and whom you love like family. Maybe even your son, who is NOT your FOO, but is still your son, right? This is faulty thinking. You don't need your sister and you didn't need your mother in order to be somebody. You are not them. They are not you. You are far kinder and more giving. Anyone can have a good life without their FOO, especially if the people in it are toxic to us. Of course, my rantings are just my own thoughts and I respect how you feel too. Just thought I'd show you a different perspective. Copa, I have NO FOO and I am not at all alone. And you don't need to be either. What about M? [/QUOTE]

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