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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 659458" data-attributes="member: 17461">Yes.To not name and condemn an abuser.To blame oneself for what is ugly.Copa, you are onto the core of it.***We have been dancing around the issue of how strangely our sisters behave, and of how similar the strangenesses are.  As you suggested Copa, we feel it, we see it in every interaction but refuse to name it what it is.Pathologic hatred.Like our stories could get any uglier.Then, they do.***Each sister displays pathologic hatred.  Why that would be cannot matter because each of us will go to our graves as we are.  We identified with the abused.  Our sisters identify to this day with the abuser.  It is what it is.  We do not get to cheat.Each of our sisters found what shelter or protection there was for any of us beneath the little girl wings we extended to cover them.  Each sides wholeheartedly with the abusive mother in hating us, and takes what safety there is from the mother in that unity with her.Where our sisters identifed with the abuser, we identified with the abused.I accuse myself of all kinds of things because I did not protect and so does my sister accuse me because I did not protect.  When the sisters were hurt by the abuser, they were tumbled back into whatever protection we could offer because there was nowhere else to go.So they hate themselves and us for that, too.Just when you think it could not get any uglier....I felt sick when SWOT posted about the words and the sneering mother and the shaming.  I could feel the dark in it when Copa described the step-father, and the beatings.Our families of origin were murderous things.***Just when you think it can't get any uglier....That is what drives our sisters.I think it is that the sisters identified, went into some kind of exclusive unity with, the terrifying abusive mother.  They were scared too.  In addition, they hate us as appropriate targets for the hatred they cannot feel for the mother.  They hate us again, on another level, when they hate and detest us for the safety they needed when the mother betrayed them and abused them too, and they hate us for the safe harbor we did represent when the mother hated them, too.I think that is the part they hate most.  If we were only objects to be hated and defiled, they could turn away.  But we were also pseudo-mothers to them.  We represented protection and we did protect them.Just when you think it can't get any uglier....Cedar</blockquote>

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