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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 659543" data-attributes="member: 18958">My Mom did that Cedar. I did not know it was wrong.Again, War Crimes Tribunal. Cedar, are you getting how sick this is? And sadistic. You were tiny babies. You would be removed from the home immediately and your mother, charged with felony child abuse. Or terrorist threats.So shaming. What is her background, Cedar, that she would be so cruel?Why is that, Cedar, that there is no condemnation? That you accept that she is who she is by what happened to her, I understand. But do you not believe in good and evil, and that people are responsible for their choices?  I do.I never, ever forgive my mother what she chose.  My sister, is such an outlier, such an alien, I do not know how I feel about her. And I do not know why I still spare her. Not funny, Cedar. Your children are living real life. It is all so complicated. There is such cruelty in our situations. You survived by fashioning an identity based upon those perfect Mom's in your neighborhood, making quick breads for your Dad. You had the courage and intelligence to take control and to make yourself into something good. In your case, domesticity and a loving picture of a family, a loving family.And the fate in store for you, was that what you built, the lovely life, got ripped open and it's heart seized. The very thing that was your ticket out of the abuse and the cruelty, was itself sliced open and riven. (And as I read this I realize this is what happened to me. When things went really bad for my son and I.) For your mother to ridicule you more and again.  And she did this because at best she is very broken...and jealous...and at worst...very cruel, sadistically cruel.And still you yearn to be that little mother who made it all better. For yourself and for your brother and sister and for, just everybody. Just like you do here, jumping from thread to thread mothering us all. And we thrive.So, it is not a joke, that your impulse is to heal and to nurture and to love. It is not funny, one bit.  Who knows what real life is, Cedar. You, SWOT, me, Recovering, COM, Lil, Pasajes, Nomad, Echo, and the hundreds of others whose names I do not know or remember and would fill the page. Our situations are not funny--that we try to hold together in love, our lives that are crumbling apart. And still we try, as do you.OK. You are funny, like HA, HA, but not funny, that I will laugh with you at you.Embracing and creating and weaving together a vision and reality of family, as if in defiance of what has come before, our fear, our shame.  It is heroic. And while it matters very much that our people become whole and healed, that they may not yet be does not reflect upon who you are or your endeavor. Or make it less heroic. Because doing what you do, loving, and bringing together and soothing the hurt, while the outcome is uncertain, is the most important and courageous thing of all. To me, you are both heroes, SWOT and you. So, I will not laugh. Except, it was a little bit funny. But not really.</blockquote>

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