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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 659562" data-attributes="member: 1550">This is from Out of the Fog and part of an article on invalidation. What do do if you are being invalidated. I assume this is if you have the unfortunate experience are actually facing them while they tell you your reality isn't real. Would be a hard spot to be in and it is a very shaming form of emotional abuse (per the article). And it IS emotional abuse.&quot;You are not telling the truth because it's not what I remember. Therefore, you are lying.&quot;&quot;your feelings don't matter.&quot;&quot;You're crazy.&quot;Here are a few ways to deal with it if the abuser has the gall to say it to your face. I don't believe mine would have been that bold, but some are.<ul>
<li data-xf-list-type="ul">If you find yourself feeling shame over the statements another person is making about you then it is possible that the problem is them - not with you. Healthy people don’t go around shaming others.</li>
<li data-xf-list-type="ul">Confront invalidation once, calmly with truth and without emotion.</li>
<li data-xf-list-type="ul">End the conversation as soon as an invalidating statement is given.</li>
<li data-xf-list-type="ul">Allow the other person their feelings and thoughts - without taking responsibility for making them see the truth.</li>
<li data-xf-list-type="ul">Focus on seeing yourself in a validating way. Remind yourself of your qualities and strengths. Strive for excellence - not perfection.</li>
<li data-xf-list-type="ul">Surround yourself with healthy people who will tell you with kindness what they see of your strengths and weaknesses. Find a few supportive friends who will lift you up when you are down and of whom you can safely ask - “Am I really that bad?”</li>
<li data-xf-list-type="ul">Write down the qualities you like about yourself - remind yourself that you have gifts and talents - that you are unique in this world and there will never be another you.</li>
</ul></blockquote>

[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 659562, member: 1550"] This is from Out of the Fog and part of an article on invalidation. What do do if you are being invalidated. I assume this is if you have the unfortunate experience are actually facing them while they tell you your reality isn't real. Would be a hard spot to be in and it is a very shaming form of emotional abuse (per the article). And it IS emotional abuse. "You are not telling the truth because it's not what I remember. Therefore, you are lying." "your feelings don't matter." "You're crazy." Here are a few ways to deal with it if the abuser has the gall to say it to your face. I don't believe mine would have been that bold, but some are. [LIST] [*]If you find yourself feeling shame over the statements another person is making about you then it is possible that the problem is them - not with you. Healthy people don’t go around shaming others. [*]Confront invalidation once, calmly with truth and without emotion. [*]End the conversation as soon as an invalidating statement is given. [*]Allow the other person their feelings and thoughts - without taking responsibility for making them see the truth. [*]Focus on seeing yourself in a validating way. Remind yourself of your qualities and strengths. Strive for excellence - not perfection. [*]Surround yourself with healthy people who will tell you with kindness what they see of your strengths and weaknesses. Find a few supportive friends who will lift you up when you are down and of whom you can safely ask - “Am I really that bad?” [*]Write down the qualities you like about yourself - remind yourself that you have gifts and talents - that you are unique in this world and there will never be another you. [/LIST] [/QUOTE]

Verification