No! It was a bad idea when I said you should call her.
I was wishing there were some way for you to turn the tables on the way she has you believing she matters.
She cannot be a sister to you, Copa.
She doesn't have the capacity. Literally, she cannot relate to people from a sincere center because, like my sister too (and like my mom), she doesn't have one.
This is a sad thing for us to know. But it is better to know. Every interaction with them points to the truth that they are incapable of sincere interaction because they see us, and everyone, only through a filter of what we can do for them. And what they want us to do for them is be a defenseless focus for envy and the pathologic hatred come of it. And defenseless is key and they know just how to do that because they do it to everyone in their lives. They want to secretly look down on and hurt us. They are so mad when we don't get it that they finally have to do things like my sister did to my daughter. (Ha! But my daughter isn't like me in that way. She knows just who my sister is and she isn't one bit afraid of her, like I am in my secret heart. Or maybe it's like I used to be in my secret heart.) If we could see how they think about us, we would be so devastated ~ but at least we could fight back. But they are such dirty little lying fighters that they don't come right out and say any of the things that they think. They don't admit what they think except to themselves, when they justify lying about us and treating us badly and kidnapping us with our own hope of love and of loving like everyone else has in their relationships to their sisters.
That was a bad idea I had, Copa.
Please don't call her yet. When you are ready, you won't be thinking about how to be good or decent, or about how to welcome and forgive her and make family at last.
There is nothing to forgive, Copa. She is never going to change.
Nothing is ever going to be alright with this sister.
If you call her, it should be to say something like: I find your behavior at the end of my mother's life reprehensible. For all of your life, I loved you. I trusted you to be better than your behaviors. I believed in and sheltered and held strong for you and that is over. I want there to be no mistake about who is ending this relationship. I am ending this relationship. If I change my mind, I will contact you. Do not contact me.
It had nothing to do with her Copa, and everything to do with you tossing her memory right out of that space she holds in your heart altogether.
I had a bad idea. I was angry about my sister and my mom, and about your sister and the way she treats you now and about the way she treated you and your mom when your mom was sick. I hate it that she took the money and the jewelry like my sister will, too.
I don't want you to feel badly about the things she does or the way she sees you in her secret heart, ever. She sees everyone that way. We are vulnerable to them as long as we hope we can love them; as long as we let them use our wish that we could love them to trick us and hurt us and believe, in their secret toxic little hearts, that we are less than because that is all they know how to do to everyone in their lives.
Sisters aren't supposed to think that way about one another. Sisters are supposed to have one another's backs, and to be safe harbor and gentle laughter in a really cold world.
So I said you should call her and give her a piece of my mind, but that was a wrong thing to say.
I'm sorry, Copa. I really do get so angry about what these people have meant to us in our lives. They are so darn mean and they hurt us and hurt us and betray us over and over again and we are so clueless about how their minds work that we can't even think straight where they are concerned.
Let's not call her just yet.
Or maybe, never.
I am sorry, Copa. I should not have suggested that you call your sister.
Cedar
