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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 659584" data-attributes="member: 18958">Yes. But they define their hateful feelings as justified, because they have already inverted responsibility for everything to us. So their hatred feels like righteous anger and their vengeance "just deserts." I do not ever think my sister owns her jealousy and envy and rage. She sees it always as a justifiable response to what others have done to injure her.When my sister was married to an earlier husband his family used the expression "low rent" to describe anybody who they felt was beneath them or not up to their standards. I know this through my Mother.My Mother embraced her "low rent" origins as a badge of honor, irrespective of how much she wanted to improve her circumstances.  My mother was ashamed that my sister demeaned other people, seeking to elevate herself above them.I am getting sick of living in her brain, even if only to understand myself. I hope this means it is almost enough of this.I love this. This is clean and clear and strong and true.  Except I am not yet the person who would say this. And I wonder if it would not be more fitting just to stop looking at her house and neighborhood on Zillow and neighborhoodscout.I mean, does she really deserve anything so elegant and important as this speech. Is it not stronger to ride out into the sunset and leave her and her plotting and her abusing, in her dirty, frontier town, with the fearful and cowed townspeople and the vicious and corrupt cattle baron? Why empower her by such a speech?  I erased the part where I asked, who is she to me? I have more in common emotionally with my cat, and I like her more.  But that would have been a lie. My sister means very much to me. My history, at least part of it. All that is left of my mother. And, I guess, still, I wonder if she is my responsibility. My Mother wanted me to see her as such. But that is a little weird, coming from my mother.I know. I think I would shrivel up if I knew. And feel such shame.  But maybe, not for long. For years she called my mother, that crazy old lady, and I was so offended. But I would say nothing, to my shame. As she took everything she could from my mother, she felt free to express her contempt. And my mother never, ever knew, until the end. I hate my sister for this. I do not believe she deserves to ever hear again my voice.Cedar, I had to face that my father hated me at the end of his life, describing me in the most vile and sexually degrading terms. That my sister hates me equally is really nearly here nor there.Except I cannot help but question myself, still. How is it that I came to be hated so much, by my own people?  And now, my son, maybe even my son?  Except that I doubt that this is so.Again, look at the people in Charleston, SC.  They do not allow themselves to be defined or defiled by their abusers, to the extent of forgiving them; believing that their faith in what is good is definition enough. And through that stance they feel their belief and their community are more powerful than the haters. And as I see them they are not victims, they are powerful and strong. Thank you, Cedar and SWOTCedar and SWOT, we have to think about opening up our work to others' on other threads. Because I for one want to continue, and I do not want either one or both of you to feel responsible for sustaining this thread. As long as we continue here, others will feel hesitant to participate. And I am seeing that there have been a few other threads on which FOO work is being done. What do you think we should do?</blockquote>

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