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Message: <blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 659586" data-attributes="member: 1550">You're going to laugh at this, and my sister would probably laugh at this or WILL laugh at this if she is still reading it, but I thought my sister, just like my mother, was so powerful that she crowded a room and I could barely fit into it. I felt HONORED when my sister was not angry at me and would talk to me. This is not the last two or three runs I've had with her, but before that, yes. I made her this important person who had so much emotional control over my heart that she could demolish me with another "Bye!" and a hang up.Now that I look back, I realize that  my very perception of her was an emotional flashback to my mother, whom I saw the same way...as something I had to have in order to be whole. I feel like an idiot wasting all these years giving so much credit to two such damaged people who really are not important at all and who are just human beings who happen to share my DNA. There's nothing like bad lluck...lol.I was scared of my mother's anger. I was even  more afraid of my sister's anger. I don't know why I was. I had to sit and analyze it to get over that fear and awe, so to speak.I asked myself some questions, especially after the final time.Do I respect her?No.Do I share her values"Not in any way. I'd never date a married man or go out with an abusive man for five years, and grovel to him, nor would I have allowed my mother to talk badly about her without defending her. I would not drink as much as she does. I would not pick her friends, a few who still do the occasional line of cocaine.Do we have anything in common?Nothing. Nada. Not even apparently similar memories of Life with E.Who do you like better as a person, SWOT, and be honest...no trash talking from the past. Who do you feel is a better person, yourself or her?I chose me with no hesitation.Humanization without dehumanizing, I call it. Reality filters. We see these abusers as bigger than life because they have shamed us and made us feel small and as tiny as a mouse when they are just people who we would NOT want to mimic and whom we do not even like.Society brainwashes us. You must love your mother (in my case, I don't anymore). You must love your siblings. (I know I don't love T2 anymore and after T1 wrote me a letter all about how baaaaaaaaad I am (I am assuming as I never read it), I really had to think about what kind of man writes a letter like that and actually sends it. The point was not to talk about it or reconcile. The point was only to hurt me. So he's not high on my Love Parade either.I've taken too much and know what real love really is now...I can't do it, can't do it, can't do it anymore. I gave it a good try. I did try.I can't unsee what I know.I can't cheat.I love my two precious dogs more than all of them and I'm serious. I feel animals are as valuable as people, and I love my dogs with all my heart. I don't think of that as demeaning them, because of how much I value animals, but...many people would take it that way.How can anyone love somebody who can't love them back? It makes no logical sense and can only lead to heartbreak, as it has for all of us. But we are learning.Copa, your sister is flesh and blood, nothing more.If you want to tell her how you feel, you have that right and a thunderbolt won't come crashing on your head. Of course, you don't have to do it, but your sister is no more powerful than you are. We are all valuable. We all matter. Somebody else only has as much power over you as you allow. I allowed FOO to have that power for too long.I quit!!!!!!</blockquote>

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