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Message: <blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 659621" data-attributes="member: 1550">I would have loved her all my life if she had let me. But it was not an option. What she did from the grave finished off any feeling I had left for her. I do have a point of no return. If she was going to disinherit me, she should have stopped cheating and told me flat out that she didn't want to talk to me anymore; that I am not her daughter. I would have been terribly hurt, but would have respected her more if s he'd done that instead of taking the coward's way out. But she was always a coward. Emotionally, that is. She didn't have to answer my lphone calls. She could have hung up.That she gave me hope that she at least considered me a daughter...that is why I hate her and I vacillate between hate and apathy. Apathy is more like it after so long. I see this same deceit in my brother. Confront me, coward. Send a note about what bothers you about me? Cowardly. My sister I can credit with at least STARTLING conversations. She just would not finish them if she didn't like my answers. Then she'd disappear. I d id this too sometimes, but never in a million years would I talk to one of my children if I intended on considering that child not mine after my death. I could envision/feel how that would be to him/her. Of course, I don't disown. I've never disowned anybody first. I should have.Maybe that makes ME a coward too. Family of cowards and clowns and fakes. My therapist told me to write a letter to my mother too. I did.  I threw it out. Never in a million years would I have mailed it. Like I said before, if this journey showed me one shocking thing, it is that I am NOT the crazy one or the one with the most issues. I'm the one who can have close relationships and keep them for long periods of time/forever. I'm the one who learned not to pick narcissists to help me fulfill my dreams.I'm the one who sees the truth and is not in denial.I am the one who got the most help and it shows. That doesn't mean I have no damage. It would have been impossible to live in my chaotic childhood home and not have had damage. But at least one of them is far more damaged than I am and the other has never had an ongoing long term close relationship with anybody ever. My sister pretends and keeps her true feelings to herself and it comes out in those peeps she chooses to hang with. My brother...I can't know what his issues are. He is physically sick, but a lot of people are and they still have love and families. I guess being there for his students is a good thing, but you really don't have to get close to them in t hat special way you do with a partner so that may be one reason he uses them rather than a SO. I don't know. With our family history, I can only guess.It must be lonely for them. They have not been particularly close through the years. All that's left is each other. At least my sister has kids though. How close she is to them, I have no idea.</blockquote>

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