Reply to thread

Message: <blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 659657" data-attributes="member: 1550">Copa, we all have our own ways of doing it.After my grandmother died, my mother grew more vile than ever toward me and I pulled away from her and half the time my sister didn't speak to me and I wasn't really in touch with my brother who lived on the East coast much either. So I was out of the family loop and it helped me. The more I pulled away, the more it helped me.Even though I wanted to mend with my mom before she died, and called her, it was not a real connection. So it didn't affect me that much. I could go on to explore real loving relationships and I did.For me the only path was detachment. I did better every single time my sister got mad and cut me off. And worse when she was around. So the limited contact was helpful too. She had almost the same power over me as my mother.My solution is to go radio silent and not cheat by looking at their social media. Should have gone that far years ago, but I didn't. Still things got better. In the end of my years with sister, I actually did not feel like she was powerful anymore. Since her divorce, I was shocked to find her rather pathetic and weak and masochistic. So her influence over my emotions was much less. I saw myself as having a better life and having made better choices than her. So for quite a while I have not had consistent relationships with my FOO and for me that is how I got to where I am, in that happy place where peace rules and strife is very rare.I can't help others decide what to do. But th is is what I had to do and did. I know I tried my hardest to make every relationship improve, even my mother by my phone calls, but I failed. I can't control them and I refuse to let them control me. At least, in my freedom from them, they can no longer tell me what to do. My sister can't tell me who I can be FB friends with or where to post or what I can post. She can not criticize me. She can not call me, yell at me, and hang up. I have blocked her so she can't text me or call me and, if she did get threw ( like maybe I did it wrong), I would not read her text or listen to her talking.It is over. I feel I won, if it were some kind of race for having the best life.Copa, you will find your way.You sister is no asset to you.You are 100% kinder than she is. Why let somebody like that upset you? She is not worth the time.There is nothing wrong with saying, "I'm done." We can say it in subtle ways such as not answering the phone or responding to texts. We do not need to confront.Most Adult Children do not like confrontation...thus you and I get passive aggressive snideness. I get a cowardly letter from brother. And a text from Sissy saying she is glad I'm doing better after surgery and lying by telling me my father told her. He didn't tell her. She was reading this.She is probably still reading this so she knew. Frankly, I don't think she would have cared if I died (shrug). Her text was really "out there from nowhere." I just answered "thank you."My dad was not happy that she lied about Dad telling me about the surgery. I had sworn him to secrecy and he had kept his promise. Thankfully that did lead to a really good conversation with my father in the end so all's well that end's well.</blockquote>

Verification