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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 659782" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Thanks, Cedar. It won't stop her. She says those things mostly to be mean. When we talked about her, my therapist said what I said, but again it is nice to be validated. She told me that the shame I feel about being cut off AGAIN was her shame, not mine. I didn't do anything except set a boundary about her idiot boyfriend and tell the truth about my disappointment that neither she nor my brother ever once stuck up for me with my mother, as I would have done for them. I didn't even say I expected them to do it. I said it was their choice, but that it put an elephant in the room each time we had contact. And it did. For me, it was always there.</p><p></p><p>At any rate, she asked me what I got out of the relationship and I had to admit and say, well, she's funny sometimes and that's about it. She has never been there for me. Or tried to. It has to be a two way street. I did try to be there for her, but I truly don't believe she knows how to be there for anybody. Not like she's going to scream at everyone, or cheat them out of their money, or anything obvious. But she just won't offer putting herself out in any way. And if you have any angst about anything, you are a victim.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Yet she played the victim well with her boyfriend. In one of the last posts I read before stopping my silliness at reading her forum, she said, "I wonder what I did to deserve this." She meant her boyfriend.</p><p></p><p>But I know. She allows it. She could stop it. She won't stop it. She can't stop it. She's terrified to be alone and even he will do. This isn't how her divorcing her husband was supposed to turn out. She was supposed to meet Mr. Perfect. But she has met a few nice guys and she discards them for Mr. Wrong. It doesn't feel right, I guess, for her to be with somebody who will be good to her. Typical Adult Child of an abusive childhood. Yet she denies we had t his. Or s he blames our father. It's like she can't/won't see that our mother ran the show and caused damage to all of us.</p><p></p><p>Operation Oblivion will continue forever. My therapist is right. There is nothing in this relationship for me that is positive and I did try. But if I can't be honest, then to me it's no relationship at all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 659782, member: 1550"] Thanks, Cedar. It won't stop her. She says those things mostly to be mean. When we talked about her, my therapist said what I said, but again it is nice to be validated. She told me that the shame I feel about being cut off AGAIN was her shame, not mine. I didn't do anything except set a boundary about her idiot boyfriend and tell the truth about my disappointment that neither she nor my brother ever once stuck up for me with my mother, as I would have done for them. I didn't even say I expected them to do it. I said it was their choice, but that it put an elephant in the room each time we had contact. And it did. For me, it was always there. At any rate, she asked me what I got out of the relationship and I had to admit and say, well, she's funny sometimes and that's about it. She has never been there for me. Or tried to. It has to be a two way street. I did try to be there for her, but I truly don't believe she knows how to be there for anybody. Not like she's going to scream at everyone, or cheat them out of their money, or anything obvious. But she just won't offer putting herself out in any way. And if you have any angst about anything, you are a victim. Yet she played the victim well with her boyfriend. In one of the last posts I read before stopping my silliness at reading her forum, she said, "I wonder what I did to deserve this." She meant her boyfriend. But I know. She allows it. She could stop it. She won't stop it. She can't stop it. She's terrified to be alone and even he will do. This isn't how her divorcing her husband was supposed to turn out. She was supposed to meet Mr. Perfect. But she has met a few nice guys and she discards them for Mr. Wrong. It doesn't feel right, I guess, for her to be with somebody who will be good to her. Typical Adult Child of an abusive childhood. Yet she denies we had t his. Or s he blames our father. It's like she can't/won't see that our mother ran the show and caused damage to all of us. Operation Oblivion will continue forever. My therapist is right. There is nothing in this relationship for me that is positive and I did try. But if I can't be honest, then to me it's no relationship at all. [/QUOTE]
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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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