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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 660028" data-attributes="member: 17461">I am not exactly sure what it means to experience transference.  I think it means you believe the other person is someone almost super-human.  I did believe that first therapist knew everything I knew plus an immeasurably great amount of knowledge more.  I was always surprised when he would not already have read a book I had found valuable, for instance.I was surprised he watched television, like a normal person.That is why his condemnation was not something I could ignore or put aside; but I couldn't figure out what it meant, either.  It was pretty much a global condemnation, when you think about it.  He knew so much about my mother.  He had to know that I would apply whatever condemnation he voiced globally.He had to know that.But he still did it, and he still took my money.When he left the city to practice elsewhere, he wrote letters instructing patients what to do if they had lawsuits pending.  I don't know whether that is common practice either, but it certainly made me wonder how many of us there were out there who'd been hurt in some way.  Then, I think it is unfair to think like that.  Who knows who is right or wrong in any situation, right?  I always think that way.  But in this situation, and in the situation with my family of origin, I was or am being disparaged and hurt.  So, I do need to see what is for what it is.That may not matter as much where the first therapist is concerned.  He is not an ongoing part of my life.  Other than the poetry from that time, and the confusion over why that happened and what it meant, I might not remember him well at all.I am very glad my daughter did not see him; because of him, I do mistrust therapists.CedarI love this.  I know that song, and I am going to remember your poetry to it for my own FOO.  Defiance in it, and naming.  Ha!  We are each doing such good work.  I loved the Family Freud show, SWOT!  <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/hugs.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":hugs:" title="hugs    :hugs:" data-shortname=":hugs:" />What a great way to find negative tapes and name the speaker.This is an excellent tool for me too, SWOT.:O)Isn't that something, about the vampire teeth.  When I envision preparation for a Family Freud of my own, there is that same feeling of foreboding that permeates a nightmare.  And there is darkness, and a silent stage.Maybe this strong, good-hearted, laughing child is what your mother set out to destroy.I love it that you are healing so beautifully, and with laughter!I know that song by Sly and the Family Stone.  There was a time when it blended so perfectly into what I wanted for my own family.  I will have to think about words for songs like that, SWOT.  This is an excellent tool for healing.wow.<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/choir.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":choir:" title="choir    :choir:" data-shortname=":choir:" />Who knew that's what these little guys were singing about, all along?!?:O)Ouch, SWOT.You were just a little girl.  What was that teacher thinking?!?  There are teachers who shouldn't be anywhere near little kids.  What a terrible woman.  If only there had been another adult there to stop her.  Many adults bear deep emotional scars from bad apple teachers and what they do.I am sorry that happened to you, SWOT.How awful.Maybe she is locked behind a wall of shame too, Copa.  I didn't talk about anything that had happened to me for years and years.  It seemed over and done and unchangeable.  I was (and still am) surprised how much emotional energy there is in old trauma.  I am so pleased that it can be reached and exposed and reunderstood and healed and released, even now, after so long a time.So that is the other cost of a bad therapist.  A person willing to face and relive the traumatic childhood is hurt into back into silence and frozen, one more time, into shame.  A life that might have been lived freely is lived in fear ~ not because the traumatized person did not have the courage to claim herself, but because the therapist was a bozo.And they still took our money.  You would think they would have been ashamed to do that, once they messed us up.  Maybe this was par for the course for them, from the beginning.Perhaps they were secret Freudians and not Jungians after all and misogynists.That could be.  Especially the misogyny part.  Men either love us, and love everything about us out in the open and hate us in secret, or they hate us and hate everything about us openly and are surprised into loving us in secret.  So that probably figured into what happened to us, too.Maybe that is what counter-transference means.  That instead of keeping their heads regarding sticking with the role we are paying them to portray, a therapist slips into personal mode, and into his own business.Which means our therapists owe us money, Copa.:O)SWOT, Copa and I should come up with words to a song about our therapists.  What an excellent tool to name an abuser and to counter feelings of shame.Except I still like my therapist and don't want to ridicule him.But I do want my money back.SWOT, it would be something if you could have gone back to that teacher as an adult woman who has raised and cherished and broken through barriers to reach the loving part of adopted children and given her a piece of your mind regarding her rotten classroom manner.I am still mad about that teacher.Cedar</blockquote>

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