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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 660030" data-attributes="member: 17461">Well, that's the thing.  That was his job.  That is why we pay them our money instead of spending it going back to school or traveling or something else that would open other facets of self for us until there were so many other facets of self that those hurt parts lose precedence.It's not like we're idiots.We decide to heal.We go to a healer.We give him our money that we would have spent on other things that would have been good for us.That therapist was supposed to be a stand-in for your father.  Not only in reparenting you around whatever issues your real father left you with, but in reparenting you with excellent insight, tenderness, and compassion.  That you have come away from your time with him still drenched in shame come of having been poorly parented seems criminal to me, Copa.He was being paid to parent you, to reparent you, hearing and healing the wounds, and loving you into womanhood.That is why we pay them.If they cannot do it, they should not be pretending they can.That is fraud, and cheating.  And downright ponzi-scheme lying, when you come right down to it.We already are women.  We already are functioning just fine.  We decided to be better and they promised us they could help.Thirty years, Copa?Shame on that dirty male therapist.  He was cheating you, taking advantage of your pain and taking your money.  I am just so stuck on that they took our money to do what they did to us instead of healing  us like they promised they could.  So, not only do they take our money, but they blame us because we are not healed.Where, exactly, is the therapist's responsibility for all that money he is taking from us just so he will see us?Maybe, they get to a place where they think people really do pay them their money just to look upon, and spend time in, their vicinities.Thirty years, Copa.Do these people not have an ethical system at all?What to hay, Copa.Thirty years you saw this man?  So, he is absolutely a stand-in for the father.  Only this guy took your money.We should be able to get our money back, Copa.  With interest.  And at least in my case, I should get to charge my therapist because if he was in counter-transference then he should have been paying me.What a couple of nasty old men.That's okay, Copa.  We will be seeing your therapist too through our own eyes.  It seems not to take us so long, here where we decide to heal and do it.  Still though, he was not supposed to hurt you further.  If he couldn't heal you like he promised, he was at least not supposed to hurt you.But he did.At the least Copa, he was supposed to reparent you adequately.  Not even perfectly.  Just adequately.  I said that to that male therapist I saw for three times after that first therapist.  He was like, "What do you hope to accomplish during our time together?"  And I said:  "I would like an adequate male role model."And he was like, "...okay."He did well with me, too.I still didn't stay with him.  Cedar</blockquote>

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