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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 660046" data-attributes="member: 18958">I feel a great deal of shame. Imagine what it was to be me, then. No real mother. No father. No sister. Nobody. My grandmother had died.&nbsp; I wanted to have a full life. Connection. Purpose. Mobility.I put all my chips on a number. And spun the wheel. I kept putting more chips, and more chips. I kept losing. I doubled up. I lost. And I lost and I lost. And then I walked away.I was able to leave when I adopted my son.Think about what it has been for me in these last years with the death of my mother and the inability of my son to right himself.It was at the time that my mother began to decline that that friend (the happy deliverer of difficult news who is a psychoanalyst) contacted me out of the blue to tell me he had died.Honestly, I do not know how to think about my life.Honestly, I do not.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 660046, member: 18958"] I feel a great deal of shame. Imagine what it was to be me, then. No real mother. No father. No sister. Nobody. My grandmother had died. I wanted to have a full life. Connection. Purpose. Mobility. I put all my chips on a number. And spun the wheel. I kept putting more chips, and more chips. I kept losing. I doubled up. I lost. And I lost and I lost. And then I walked away. I was able to leave when I adopted my son. Think about what it has been for me in these last years with the death of my mother and the inability of my son to right himself. It was at the time that my mother began to decline that that friend (the happy deliverer of difficult news who is a psychoanalyst) contacted me out of the blue to tell me he had died. Honestly, I do not know how to think about my life. Honestly, I do not. [/QUOTE]

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