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Message: <blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 660063" data-attributes="member: 1550">You were brave against all odds.You forgave. I have not been able to do that yet.  I probably won't be able to. Besides, I don't believe you can forgive anyone who has no remorse. But you went to your mom when she offered to love you and that was brave of you.You were a good mother. Good mothers can have kids who don't do well. You forget how much of your son's behavior is driven by DNA and  his very real challenges. You may have been repeatedly told everyone is capable of doing anything if they just put their mind to it and that motherism may have stuck in your mind. It's untrue. Some people need help all their lives (I do). I have learning and neurological differences and could not have been self-sufficient and could have only gotten through college with the same help they give children with special needs. You are not a failure as a mother. Your son is different. It was never your fault. You can not love a child so much that the fact that he was exposed to drugs and alcohol in  utero and had a head injury will become insignificant. Love does not have t hat kind of power. You DID love him. You DO love him. He knows it.You have achieved many things that I can only dream about. We are all good at different things. You were great in the educational area and business world. Copa, that is huge. I could not have done it. Not everyone can do it even if they really want to. You are SMART. You are STRONG.I think you may be clinically depressed. I've been there many times before the Paroxatene and you feel really badly about life in general with clinical depression. You can't see t he light or believe you will ever feel better. With me, and some with depression, I had a feeling of not being real/being in a dream...derealization/deprsonalization. Very scary symptoms. That is disassociation without different personalities, but it is caused by abuse. Did you ever feel that way? I don't know if my diagnosis is right, of course. But if it is, you either have to decide to take action or stay depressed. Like your son, you have many decisions ahead of you. I am glad you decided to move.That seems to make you come alive <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" />I care about you very much. I want you to feel good and hope you do very soon.</blockquote>

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