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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 660119" data-attributes="member: 17461">&quot;Until I didn't love her anymore.&quot;&nbsp; (SWOT)&quot;Until I stopped cheating.&quot;&nbsp; (SWOT)SWOT, you are right.&nbsp; I think I trick myself into imagining that either my mom or my sister care about and miss me, too.&nbsp; If that were true though, these things would never have happened.&nbsp; Of course they are doing what they did the last time this happened, and five years slid by: uniting against a common enemy.I forgot that I hate them.:O) I don't get to cheat, either.It is what it is.&nbsp; Just another ugly story, and there are so many.&nbsp; This story relative to my FOO is both ugly and stupid.&nbsp; There is no win in any of it that I can see.And I say that all the time, don't I.&nbsp; That I don't get the win.&nbsp; I have never been getting the win, and they have never not been so strangely...superior.That is the word I am looking for: superior.I was thinking today about&nbsp; my sister and her husband, who have always been invited for our 4th of July celebration, along with D H family ~ which is huge.&nbsp; And two years ago, my sister had the nerve to say, quite loudly and about three times, that we were working oh, so hard to get the food out and etc.And before they left, and for a few times after that, my sister said:&nbsp; they had recently done an outside event and had it catered. Because it was too much work. And I know I am probably being over sensitive here, but that was a really crummy thing to say when you add in the condo on Padre and&nbsp; ~ well, I can't think of anything else right now.But I am sure there are things.***I don't know why I keep thinking I miss them.&nbsp; I think what I miss is who I had convinced myself they were, really.&nbsp; I was so certain we could do this.&nbsp; But when I look back on it, we were never anywhere close, not even while my father was still alive.So, yeah.&nbsp; I hate them.Pretending it could ever be okay when it has not been healed in all these long years is cheating.I am like, so p*issed off about this.Oh.&nbsp; Well, that's good in a way.&nbsp; That means I am only angry, and not that I hate.&nbsp; Always have to watch out for that hatred stuff.Whew.Cedar</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 660119, member: 17461"] "Until I didn't love her anymore." (SWOT) "Until I stopped cheating." (SWOT) SWOT, you are right. I think I trick myself into imagining that either my mom or my sister care about and miss me, too. If that were true though, these things would never have happened. Of course they are doing what they did the last time this happened, and five years slid by: uniting against a common enemy. I forgot that I hate them. :O) I don't get to cheat, either. It is what it is. Just another ugly story, and there are so many. This story relative to my FOO is both ugly and stupid. There is no win in any of it that I can see. And I say that all the time, don't I. That I don't get the win. I have never been getting the win, and they have never not been so strangely...superior. That is the word I am looking for: superior. I was thinking today about my sister and her husband, who have always been invited for our 4th of July celebration, along with D H family ~ which is huge. And two years ago, my sister had the nerve to say, quite loudly and about three times, that we were working oh, so hard to get the food out and etc. And before they left, and for a few times after that, my sister said: they had recently done an outside event and had it catered. Because it was too much work. And I know I am probably being over sensitive here, but that was a really crummy thing to say when you add in the condo on Padre and ~ well, I can't think of anything else right now. But I am sure there are things. *** I don't know why I keep thinking I miss them. I think what I miss is who I had convinced myself they were, really. I was so certain we could do this. But when I look back on it, we were never anywhere close, not even while my father was still alive. So, yeah. I hate them. Pretending it could ever be okay when it has not been healed in all these long years is cheating. I am like, so p*issed off about this. Oh. Well, that's good in a way. That means I am only angry, and not that I hate. Always have to watch out for that hatred stuff. Whew. Cedar [/QUOTE]

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