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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 660192" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>How wonderful. Stunning actually. I mean, look at this. I am sure you have.</p><p></p><p>She puts herself out there. She doesn't have to. At some risk, because who really knows? She like me, and you a little bit, Cedar, is vulnerable. I never know either how I will deal with stress. What I will say or do. That is true.</p><p></p><p>She sees what she has done. Gone overboard, a little bit. She fears she may have been symptomatic. And feels vulnerable and exposed, when she sees. A little bit ashamed, maybe.</p><p></p><p>And it turns out that her world sees this thing she feared revealed her vulnerability, as a new, novel brilliant educational intervention? And she is heralded as an innovator for all to follow and model? And it will be implemented as policy and procedure, for everybody to follow?</p><p></p><p>She is a marvel and a model for all of us. I love her, as well as like her. And I respect her, most of all.</p><p>_____</p><p></p><p>The pale was that part of western Russia where Jews were permitted to live. But at the same time, could not own land. They could leave to work, but that is all. They were not permitted to live under nor were they protected by Russian law and civilization.</p><p></p><p>The concept the pale is the same as the saying "<a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=beyond+the+pale&defid=372558" target="_blank">beyond the pale</a>."</p><p></p><p>I have copied a description of the origin of that phrase and its origin in the saying.</p><p></p><p>"Beyond the pale" dates back to the 14th century, when the part of Ireland that was under English rule was delineated by a boundary made of such stakes or fences, and known as the English Pale.</p><p></p><p>To travel outside of that boundary, beyond the pale, was to leave behind all the rules and institutions of English society, which the English modestly considered synonymous with civilization itself."</p><p>_____</p><p></p><p>So, M came home from work. And we talked.</p><p></p><p>I told him I do not think we can go to this new city with all the animals, that the very thought of it made me frightened and I thought we could not go.</p><p></p><p>That everybody will learn to go to the bathroom just 2 times a day or 3, is not realistic, I told him. Nor is it realistic to think that we would not be driven crazy at our age and state, by going to a new place under this kind of tyranny of expectation, that nobody could go to the bathroom except or unless we took them.</p><p></p><p>Because as it is, they do not even sleep through the night. They want to go outside, and stay. All day and night. Except when they have our undivided attention, for a time, and then they still want to go out. When they want to.</p><p></p><p>So, M spoke. He said this: *in Spanish. I think Ernesto *brother in law. will watch Dolly (the Boxer), if we give him a few hundred dollars for food and cleaning her poo poo. And we can bring Stella with us (our Siamese Mix) if we are able to fly on the plane.</p><p></p><p>So Romy (we got him about 14 mos ago) must go to a new home.</p><p></p><p>M put it this way: You had to decide that your son not live with you, because you put your welfare first. To save your life. Is Romy more important to you than your son?</p><p></p><p>The idea would be this: Stella comes with us. We go to a hotel or whatever. We find a place to live. Ernesto or another family members sends Dolly on the plane to us, when we have found that place. Romy goes to another family.<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/furious.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":furious:" title="furious :furious:" data-shortname=":furious:" /><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/furious.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":furious:" title="furious :furious:" data-shortname=":furious:" /><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/furious.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":furious:" title="furious :furious:" data-shortname=":furious:" /> These characters appeared of their own volition and refuse to leave.</p><p></p><p>This plan however scary it is, seems doable. We arrive to this new place with only Stella. We get a hotel or room on Airbnb. We can bring a crate to put Stella in when we leave the room, so that she is secure.</p><p></p><p>The thing is--this plan seems like it could be fun. We are together, not constantly taking dogs to the bathroom. We can go to restaurants. Walk and explore. Go to the beach. M can go to school for his English. I can play bridge, knit, crochet, dance Tango, dance Forro, dance Samba. Spin, Weave. Everything. Anything I want. I can even try Mixed Martial Arts. I can take an Art Class. We can get a little apartment and be like newlyweds.</p><p></p><p>It feels like a new beginning. Or even, we can decide we do not like it. But we are not stuck. We have not brought 3 animals cross country with us to be stuck. We can go to a different place, even. We bring Dolly only when we are secure. We will ask Ernesto to take care of Dolly up to 6 months, or less if we are settled before then. 6 months would get us through the Winter. We need to know if we can do this, or want to. Before we involve the animals totally. M is worried Dolly will forget him, I know she won't.</p><p></p><p>Now, I will try to not worry about Romy, or a recurrence of Dolly's cancer or about my plants, of which there are close to a hundred, I think, in pots. I have my Mother's plants which have flourished here. Especially, I do not want to lose them. I wonder if I can look into shipping them on the plane?</p><p></p><p>But my first responsibility is to me, and to us, and to M.</p><p></p><p>I think we made a lot of progress today, together. And we agreed. However hard, we will do it. And to say I am happy about it, is an understatement.</p><p></p><p>Thank you. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/winnersmiley.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":winnersmiley:" title="winnersmiley :winnersmiley:" data-shortname=":winnersmiley:" /><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/grouphugg.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":grouphugg:" title="grouphugg :grouphugg:" data-shortname=":grouphugg:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 660192, member: 18958"] How wonderful. Stunning actually. I mean, look at this. I am sure you have. She puts herself out there. She doesn't have to. At some risk, because who really knows? She like me, and you a little bit, Cedar, is vulnerable. I never know either how I will deal with stress. What I will say or do. That is true. She sees what she has done. Gone overboard, a little bit. She fears she may have been symptomatic. And feels vulnerable and exposed, when she sees. A little bit ashamed, maybe. And it turns out that her world sees this thing she feared revealed her vulnerability, as a new, novel brilliant educational intervention? And she is heralded as an innovator for all to follow and model? And it will be implemented as policy and procedure, for everybody to follow? She is a marvel and a model for all of us. I love her, as well as like her. And I respect her, most of all. _____ The pale was that part of western Russia where Jews were permitted to live. But at the same time, could not own land. They could leave to work, but that is all. They were not permitted to live under nor were they protected by Russian law and civilization. The concept the pale is the same as the saying "[URL='http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=beyond+the+pale&defid=372558']beyond the pale[/URL]." I have copied a description of the origin of that phrase and its origin in the saying. "Beyond the pale" dates back to the 14th century, when the part of Ireland that was under English rule was delineated by a boundary made of such stakes or fences, and known as the English Pale. To travel outside of that boundary, beyond the pale, was to leave behind all the rules and institutions of English society, which the English modestly considered synonymous with civilization itself." _____ So, M came home from work. And we talked. I told him I do not think we can go to this new city with all the animals, that the very thought of it made me frightened and I thought we could not go. That everybody will learn to go to the bathroom just 2 times a day or 3, is not realistic, I told him. Nor is it realistic to think that we would not be driven crazy at our age and state, by going to a new place under this kind of tyranny of expectation, that nobody could go to the bathroom except or unless we took them. Because as it is, they do not even sleep through the night. They want to go outside, and stay. All day and night. Except when they have our undivided attention, for a time, and then they still want to go out. When they want to. So, M spoke. He said this: *in Spanish. I think Ernesto *brother in law. will watch Dolly (the Boxer), if we give him a few hundred dollars for food and cleaning her poo poo. And we can bring Stella with us (our Siamese Mix) if we are able to fly on the plane. So Romy (we got him about 14 mos ago) must go to a new home. M put it this way: You had to decide that your son not live with you, because you put your welfare first. To save your life. Is Romy more important to you than your son? The idea would be this: Stella comes with us. We go to a hotel or whatever. We find a place to live. Ernesto or another family members sends Dolly on the plane to us, when we have found that place. Romy goes to another family.:furious::furious::furious: These characters appeared of their own volition and refuse to leave. This plan however scary it is, seems doable. We arrive to this new place with only Stella. We get a hotel or room on Airbnb. We can bring a crate to put Stella in when we leave the room, so that she is secure. The thing is--this plan seems like it could be fun. We are together, not constantly taking dogs to the bathroom. We can go to restaurants. Walk and explore. Go to the beach. M can go to school for his English. I can play bridge, knit, crochet, dance Tango, dance Forro, dance Samba. Spin, Weave. Everything. Anything I want. I can even try Mixed Martial Arts. I can take an Art Class. We can get a little apartment and be like newlyweds. It feels like a new beginning. Or even, we can decide we do not like it. But we are not stuck. We have not brought 3 animals cross country with us to be stuck. We can go to a different place, even. We bring Dolly only when we are secure. We will ask Ernesto to take care of Dolly up to 6 months, or less if we are settled before then. 6 months would get us through the Winter. We need to know if we can do this, or want to. Before we involve the animals totally. M is worried Dolly will forget him, I know she won't. Now, I will try to not worry about Romy, or a recurrence of Dolly's cancer or about my plants, of which there are close to a hundred, I think, in pots. I have my Mother's plants which have flourished here. Especially, I do not want to lose them. I wonder if I can look into shipping them on the plane? But my first responsibility is to me, and to us, and to M. I think we made a lot of progress today, together. And we agreed. However hard, we will do it. And to say I am happy about it, is an understatement. Thank you. :winnersmiley::grouphugg: [/QUOTE]
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Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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