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Message: <blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 660413" data-attributes="member: 1550">Copa, you don't have to separate from your son. You can talk to him without allowing him to live with you. Things may get better with time too. You SHOULD have hope. He is still young. If you feel inclined to do so, he will not be so far. You can meet him for lunch sometimes. One of our forum members did that with her son. You can sometimes treat him to shopping and buy him coffee and a donut. That isn't enabling to me. You can maybe have a conversation you haven't had before...about adoption, how does it affect him etc. It won't change his behavior, but you may connect on a deeper level. When he starts talking about conspiracy theories, ugh, change the subject as if you hadn't heard him. When my son was living in hotels (cheap ones, but in motels on his father's dime) I visited him a lot and brought him food and talked to him. At the time, I was alone and afraid of his verbal violence. We have spoken about t hat in detail since then, something which I'd never had the chance to do with my FOO. He was really surprised I had been afraid of him. I don't want to tell too much here (spies abound), but it was a good talk and we are close. He's mad at me right now because I was not able to tell him what I felt he should do about a certain correspondence he'd had with his lawyer, but I decided not to go there this time. The custody battle was torture for both of us. Obviously, it was because of my grandson, but I wanted to console my son too and he was so on edge he just freaked out very easily. Reminded me of myself when I was under that kind of stress, really. But I couldn't help him then and I can't now. I don't know diddly about t he law or what his lawyer wants. I'll probably call or text him later. I'm going there in a few weeks. I know he won't stay mad, but these legal battles are so hard on him. And there is nothing I can do. If I give him advice and it backfires...he won't blame me, but I'd feel badly. I just wish his ex would not have a fantasy that she can run to the sunset with my grandson. My son will never let her do it, but it is so hard on him each time she tries. Fortunately, he has his first kind, stable girlfriend since the divorce right now and I'm sure she is level-headed enough to keep him grounded.Sorry. I got off track.I do not think you are going to have to go on without your son. But you will have to accept your son and his choices. You will have to be able to sit across from him and be ok with dirty hair and clothes that make your kinda go "yuk."  But you can see him IF YOU FEEL UP TO IT. He is not going to go away. See? He didn't choose to go so far from you, after all.Your connection to one another is strong <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></blockquote>

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