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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 662575" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Remember I told you of my sister's words to my Mother, I can take your house any time I want. And that was supposed to reassure her.</p><p>Me too.</p><p>__</p><p>Yes, for a time, they did.</p><p></p><p>Cedar, see if this makes sense.</p><p></p><p>The agony comes from seeing your life as: a, b, c, d, e, g, p...= Choice</p><p>That a series of events or feelings has led to Choice. The cart drives the horse here. Sorry.</p><p></p><p>Instead there is SWOT's way to think of it:</p><p></p><p>Choice. (because of a, b, c....)How much stronger this is. And the result is greater strength.</p><p></p><p>Because the choice comes first, we choose to not engage in second guessing and rearranging all of the infinite permutations possible among the events and feelings of a life.</p><p></p><p>SWOT every day sees herself as the powerful one, the decider, the chooser in her life. There is a driver here.</p><p></p><p>She does not see her choice as in any way dependent upon how she sees any person or event. Because to do so would be to be determined by others and to let something outside of her determine her choice. She will not allow second guessing because she is in charge. She the difference in power here?</p><p>Well, here you capture and frame my agony around the death of my mother. But see Cedar, you are anticipating the story and taking away its power to trap and kill you. I fell into it as if I was one of those little a, b, or p's in my equation above.</p><p></p><p>You will choose who you are and want to be.</p><p>Exactly this Cedar. That is exactly what SWOT has chosen and we are getting there too.</p><p>Cedar, why do you have to unravel motivation.</p><p></p><p>The result is always "I hurt" in relation to a, b, c, x.</p><p></p><p>Do you look for motivation of a "pin" or a "knife." In order to accuse a knife of its sharpness, must you find and isolate and define it's ill intent or answer why?</p><p></p><p>Because it is a knife. That is why it hurts.</p><p></p><p>Now you can ask yourself, why does the knife decide to hurt me? That is a different question.</p><p></p><p>Because it is guided to hurt you by someone.</p><p></p><p>Why would someone guide a knife to my heart to hurt me or kill me?</p><p></p><p>Because they want to. A knife is seldom guided to a heart by accident. But of course you could entertain if you wanted to the idea that somebody in your life has repeatedly guided knives to your heart by accident, over and over again. That is your choice.</p><p>Cedar, what is your shame? Do you believe that you deserved over and over again that a knife be guided to your heart? Each time it happened, do you really need to conduct a trial on <em><strong>YOURSELF</strong> to see if you deserve it? </em></p><p></p><p>There is no need for a trial of <u><em><strong>You </strong></em></u>or of anybody.<em> You decide if something hurts. You certainly get to decide if you died from the wound. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>You are responsible for protecting you. Nobody else gets to decide about what you do or not. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>You do </em>have a family and will always have a family. It is just that you do not like them much because knives keep ending up in your heart when you are around them or speak to them.</p><p>Cedar (in a weary, weary voice), knives are sharp. They keep ending up in your heart. Somehow they get there. Only when certain people are in the room. Read Agatha Christie.</p><p></p><p>How in the world do you motivate somebody to stop guiding knives into your heart to kill your spirit? How do you convince yourself that they did not mean it? If you do convince yourself that they did not stick you in the heart and indeed your spirit did not die as a result, what do you do with the bloody knife?</p><p></p><p>There is a time when a choice needs to be made. The only one to make it is you. We can keep taking you to court, but do we really need to?</p><p>Cedar (weary voice again)she does not play your game with your rules. She plays her own. You decide your rules. She decides hers. You need to decide if you keep wanting to play her game in your head. Don't cheat.</p><p>On the contrary, Cedar, you play the determining and vital role in the family. There is a term in the semiotics world called the "missing signifier." I am not a semiotician but I know that the missing signifier can name the whole of the thing, or at least distort the meaning.</p><p></p><p>Without Cedar they are missing the meaning of the whole, who they are. That is why they cannot stand it. Believe me it is not LOVE.</p><p>This is my last word on this. (weary voice.) Knives hurt. You were stabbed. Repeatedly. You realized you can stay away from people with knives. You are.</p><p></p><p>Any time at all you can change this. Options:You can wear full body armor and give a dinner party or You can decide to be the Roast. There are no other options I can think of. I wish there were.</p><p></p><p>But you cannot make knives not hurt. You cannot lock all the knives up in the closet. People will fight you to keep them.</p><p> I am rethinking this. Our captors have knives. They are killing us.</p><p></p><p>What our captors think means not one thing. It is always only about us. In the end it matters not at all how the knives got there. It is always only about us. We are good people. We try to live well. We have loved our children. Our mates. Our pets. Poor Romy.</p><p></p><p>Just, get out of the way of knives, and bad people who intend to hurt you if you can.</p><p></p><p>Who needs to rise above anybody? Except the answer to that question lies below.</p><p>I cannot wait. In my case I see this a little different. I am certain of my love and here is the problem: I am only OK if love is returned. If I encounter a knife, I get angry or immobilized or hurt. In my life love often encounters knives.</p><p></p><p>And when that happens, I descend right back into FOO every single time. And that is the problem.</p><p></p><p>When our children who we love have their knives out for us, or use knives in their business with us.....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 662575, member: 18958"] Remember I told you of my sister's words to my Mother, I can take your house any time I want. And that was supposed to reassure her. Me too. __ Yes, for a time, they did. Cedar, see if this makes sense. The agony comes from seeing your life as: a, b, c, d, e, g, p...= Choice That a series of events or feelings has led to Choice. The cart drives the horse here. Sorry. Instead there is SWOT's way to think of it: Choice. (because of a, b, c....)How much stronger this is. And the result is greater strength. Because the choice comes first, we choose to not engage in second guessing and rearranging all of the infinite permutations possible among the events and feelings of a life. SWOT every day sees herself as the powerful one, the decider, the chooser in her life. There is a driver here. She does not see her choice as in any way dependent upon how she sees any person or event. Because to do so would be to be determined by others and to let something outside of her determine her choice. She will not allow second guessing because she is in charge. She the difference in power here? Well, here you capture and frame my agony around the death of my mother. But see Cedar, you are anticipating the story and taking away its power to trap and kill you. I fell into it as if I was one of those little a, b, or p's in my equation above. You will choose who you are and want to be. Exactly this Cedar. That is exactly what SWOT has chosen and we are getting there too. Cedar, why do you have to unravel motivation. The result is always "I hurt" in relation to a, b, c, x. Do you look for motivation of a "pin" or a "knife." In order to accuse a knife of its sharpness, must you find and isolate and define it's ill intent or answer why? Because it is a knife. That is why it hurts. Now you can ask yourself, why does the knife decide to hurt me? That is a different question. Because it is guided to hurt you by someone. Why would someone guide a knife to my heart to hurt me or kill me? Because they want to. A knife is seldom guided to a heart by accident. But of course you could entertain if you wanted to the idea that somebody in your life has repeatedly guided knives to your heart by accident, over and over again. That is your choice. Cedar, what is your shame? Do you believe that you deserved over and over again that a knife be guided to your heart? Each time it happened, do you really need to conduct a trial on [I][B]YOURSELF[/B] to see if you deserve it? [/I] There is no need for a trial of [U][I][B]You [/B][/I][/U]or of anybody.[I] You decide if something hurts. You certainly get to decide if you died from the wound. You are responsible for protecting you. Nobody else gets to decide about what you do or not. You do [/I]have a family and will always have a family. It is just that you do not like them much because knives keep ending up in your heart when you are around them or speak to them. Cedar (in a weary, weary voice), knives are sharp. They keep ending up in your heart. Somehow they get there. Only when certain people are in the room. Read Agatha Christie. How in the world do you motivate somebody to stop guiding knives into your heart to kill your spirit? How do you convince yourself that they did not mean it? If you do convince yourself that they did not stick you in the heart and indeed your spirit did not die as a result, what do you do with the bloody knife? There is a time when a choice needs to be made. The only one to make it is you. We can keep taking you to court, but do we really need to? Cedar (weary voice again)she does not play your game with your rules. She plays her own. You decide your rules. She decides hers. You need to decide if you keep wanting to play her game in your head. Don't cheat. On the contrary, Cedar, you play the determining and vital role in the family. There is a term in the semiotics world called the "missing signifier." I am not a semiotician but I know that the missing signifier can name the whole of the thing, or at least distort the meaning. Without Cedar they are missing the meaning of the whole, who they are. That is why they cannot stand it. Believe me it is not LOVE. This is my last word on this. (weary voice.) Knives hurt. You were stabbed. Repeatedly. You realized you can stay away from people with knives. You are. Any time at all you can change this. Options:You can wear full body armor and give a dinner party or You can decide to be the Roast. There are no other options I can think of. I wish there were. But you cannot make knives not hurt. You cannot lock all the knives up in the closet. People will fight you to keep them. I am rethinking this. Our captors have knives. They are killing us. What our captors think means not one thing. It is always only about us. In the end it matters not at all how the knives got there. It is always only about us. We are good people. We try to live well. We have loved our children. Our mates. Our pets. Poor Romy. Just, get out of the way of knives, and bad people who intend to hurt you if you can. Who needs to rise above anybody? Except the answer to that question lies below. I cannot wait. In my case I see this a little different. I am certain of my love and here is the problem: I am only OK if love is returned. If I encounter a knife, I get angry or immobilized or hurt. In my life love often encounters knives. And when that happens, I descend right back into FOO every single time. And that is the problem. When our children who we love have their knives out for us, or use knives in their business with us..... [/QUOTE]
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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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