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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 662578" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Cedar, how many times have YOU said you can't change those who don't want to change? You know this.</p><p></p><p>They won't change.</p><p></p><p>And to me my FOO is not my real family. They are DNA related people, not a part of me. My skin isn't their skin. My blood isn't their blood. We don't even all have the same blood type. They are nothing more than people in a world of millions. I do not derive my identity from them and I never did. I always felt apart; different from them; better in some ways. Now you know my mothers hateful words affected me a lot, however I always felt I had the big heart in the family.</p><p></p><p>I used to fight back and I told this to Awesome New Psychologist yesterday. She asked me if I yelled at them? I said I did. She asked if they yelled at me first. I said, "Usually. Or baited me. And I was such a mess in my 20's anyway, but I shouldn't have done it."</p><p></p><p>She said, "What about them?"</p><p></p><p>I paused then said, "I deserved it?" but not with the conviction I used to.</p><p></p><p>She said, "Nobody deserves that. So you yelled back. So what? They doesn't make you a bad person. You were not taught how to deal with confrontation in your family, were you?"</p><p></p><p>"No. We weren't taught anything."</p><p></p><p>"Did you talk about it?"</p><p></p><p>"We never discussed anything." I don't remember the family sitting down for, say, the family meetings we have.</p><p></p><p>She just said, "You aren't bad for trying to stick up for yourself the only way you knew how. You have better tools now."</p><p></p><p>"I still get upset with FOO, especially when they pick on me as if everything is my fault." I gave her a brief rundown of my dad's 85th birthday whose demise was blamed on my inability to go.</p><p></p><p>She said, "I would say you were tremendously provoked."</p><p></p><p>We had a good session. She is getting me prepared for EMDR (I'll let you know how that goes). So we almost looped all the stuff that happened to me in my family because once you start talking, you keep remembering. </p><p></p><p>I left feeling exhausted but good about myself. Why did I ever let these weird collection of DNAers talk me into thinking that sticking up for myself when tremendously provoked made me a bad person?</p><p></p><p>It actually helped me by giving me my freedom early.</p><p></p><p>But that will be another post, hopefully on Part II <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 662578, member: 1550"] Cedar, how many times have YOU said you can't change those who don't want to change? You know this. They won't change. And to me my FOO is not my real family. They are DNA related people, not a part of me. My skin isn't their skin. My blood isn't their blood. We don't even all have the same blood type. They are nothing more than people in a world of millions. I do not derive my identity from them and I never did. I always felt apart; different from them; better in some ways. Now you know my mothers hateful words affected me a lot, however I always felt I had the big heart in the family. I used to fight back and I told this to Awesome New Psychologist yesterday. She asked me if I yelled at them? I said I did. She asked if they yelled at me first. I said, "Usually. Or baited me. And I was such a mess in my 20's anyway, but I shouldn't have done it." She said, "What about them?" I paused then said, "I deserved it?" but not with the conviction I used to. She said, "Nobody deserves that. So you yelled back. So what? They doesn't make you a bad person. You were not taught how to deal with confrontation in your family, were you?" "No. We weren't taught anything." "Did you talk about it?" "We never discussed anything." I don't remember the family sitting down for, say, the family meetings we have. She just said, "You aren't bad for trying to stick up for yourself the only way you knew how. You have better tools now." "I still get upset with FOO, especially when they pick on me as if everything is my fault." I gave her a brief rundown of my dad's 85th birthday whose demise was blamed on my inability to go. She said, "I would say you were tremendously provoked." We had a good session. She is getting me prepared for EMDR (I'll let you know how that goes). So we almost looped all the stuff that happened to me in my family because once you start talking, you keep remembering. I left feeling exhausted but good about myself. Why did I ever let these weird collection of DNAers talk me into thinking that sticking up for myself when tremendously provoked made me a bad person? It actually helped me by giving me my freedom early. But that will be another post, hopefully on Part II :) [/QUOTE]
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Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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