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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 662597" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Ha! I love this, Copa.</p><p></p><p>It is good to laugh about these things. "Only when certain people are in the room...."</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/hugs.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":hugs:" title="hugs :hugs:" data-shortname=":hugs:" /></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is true Copa, once we have been able to see ~ for me this is true ~ once I have been able to see the hatred in my abuser's eyes as a piece of her illness and not as my "real." Just as loving eyes teach us something real about ourselves, something we can hold onto when we are hurt and need somehow to be strong, so can blaming and hatred teach us that we are hopelessly despicable, or that we are fraudulent in claiming bravery or competency in our lives today, as adults, because we were not able to protect our younger sibs.</p><p></p><p>I remember posting once that I believed myself to be a coward. That when the chips were down, I would freeze, would not be able to act, would be too afraid to help the victim. I believed that about myself Copa. And the memory attending it was always about my brother; about the things that happened to him. In going over and over this material here and on the first thread, I was able to understand that I did do something courageous. I went to where the abuse was happening. I did not stay safely away and thank my lucky stars it wasn't me this time. I could not stop it, but I did go there. I did all I could <em>and my mother did stop kicking him that time.</em></p><p></p><p>Stuff like that, I needed to go through and resee my role in.</p><p></p><p>Turns out I am not a coward Copa, but I believed that all my life.</p><p></p><p>Remember when a plane went down in an icy river? One of the films showed someone, so scared, and their eyes frozen open. That retraumatized me to the max. I just knew I would never have dived into that icy water to save that man with his eyes frozen open.</p><p></p><p>Now?</p><p></p><p>I know I would have helped him.</p><p></p><p>It makes my heart beat faster even now though, to think about this.</p><p></p><p>But now, the overwhelming feeling is one of rage or anger <em>at my mother, who should never have done any of those things she did, not to any of us.</em></p><p></p><p>And that is a very good place to be, instead of where I was, before.</p><p></p><p>But I don't want to hate, either.</p><p></p><p>That is probably why I keep trying to make sense of it.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yep.</p><p></p><p>But at least now we know we are there. We have SWOT's phrase, "emotional flashback". </p><p></p><p>We know the answer is to see ourselves through our own eyes <em>and not those of our cowardly abusers</em>, and to never believe the flowers. (To me, that phrase from The Little Prince meant I did not have to believe the bad things that were happening with the kids had to be the end of the story as predicted by my mother ~ that hatred and backstabbing and etc are what matter; that there could never be true goodness and loving and believing in ourselves or in other people.) I believe, but just not in my sister, anymore.</p><p></p><p>I don't know what to think about my mom.</p><p></p><p>I did have a dream once in which she was driving the car.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 662597, member: 17461"] Ha! I love this, Copa. It is good to laugh about these things. "Only when certain people are in the room...." :hugs: This is true Copa, once we have been able to see ~ for me this is true ~ once I have been able to see the hatred in my abuser's eyes as a piece of her illness and not as my "real." Just as loving eyes teach us something real about ourselves, something we can hold onto when we are hurt and need somehow to be strong, so can blaming and hatred teach us that we are hopelessly despicable, or that we are fraudulent in claiming bravery or competency in our lives today, as adults, because we were not able to protect our younger sibs. I remember posting once that I believed myself to be a coward. That when the chips were down, I would freeze, would not be able to act, would be too afraid to help the victim. I believed that about myself Copa. And the memory attending it was always about my brother; about the things that happened to him. In going over and over this material here and on the first thread, I was able to understand that I did do something courageous. I went to where the abuse was happening. I did not stay safely away and thank my lucky stars it wasn't me this time. I could not stop it, but I did go there. I did all I could [I]and my mother did stop kicking him that time.[/I] Stuff like that, I needed to go through and resee my role in. Turns out I am not a coward Copa, but I believed that all my life. Remember when a plane went down in an icy river? One of the films showed someone, so scared, and their eyes frozen open. That retraumatized me to the max. I just knew I would never have dived into that icy water to save that man with his eyes frozen open. Now? I know I would have helped him. It makes my heart beat faster even now though, to think about this. But now, the overwhelming feeling is one of rage or anger [I]at my mother, who should never have done any of those things she did, not to any of us.[/I] And that is a very good place to be, instead of where I was, before. But I don't want to hate, either. That is probably why I keep trying to make sense of it. Yep. But at least now we know we are there. We have SWOT's phrase, "emotional flashback". We know the answer is to see ourselves through our own eyes [I]and not those of our cowardly abusers[/I], and to never believe the flowers. (To me, that phrase from The Little Prince meant I did not have to believe the bad things that were happening with the kids had to be the end of the story as predicted by my mother ~ that hatred and backstabbing and etc are what matter; that there could never be true goodness and loving and believing in ourselves or in other people.) I believe, but just not in my sister, anymore. I don't know what to think about my mom. I did have a dream once in which she was driving the car. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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