Hi, and welcome.
You'll notice we have a number of step-parents around the board... you are NOT alone!
In the interests of privacy, you might want to edit your post, and change any "real names" into "board names". If your board ID is a real name, contact runawaybunny (by pm) and she can help you change it to something else.
It's tough getting dxes on our kids - much less the right dxes, and all of the dxes...
Can you tell us more about B? what kinds of delays? impact on school? impact at home?
Many things "run in families", so this also tells us a bit more about T.
Well... keep in mind I'm just another parent.
But...
PTSD, I can sort of see how they would reach that conclusion, but... have you ever looked into attachment disorders? there's a whole spectrum of attachment disorders, not just the extreme. Attachment disorders are very different from most other dxes, and require a very different approach. It seems like most specialists are not well-aquainted with attachment disorders, so it's not uncommon for it to be given a different label.
ODD... well, many of us have been there done that with that label and... well... JMO, but ODD worked as a "placeholder" diagnosis for us - it was proof positive that the issues were not just our "perceptions" or "all in our heads". But ODD doesn't DO anything for you. No interventions, accommodations, therapies, medications. Nothing. We found that when we kept digging and got a bettter (more complete) picture of what was going on with difficult child, we found better explanations for the behavior - AND interventions, accommodations, therapies and medications that helped.
Bedwetting? Developmental issue. Let it go. Either get the kid pull-ups for at night, or get a good waterproof mattress cover and extra bedding, and change the bed twice a night if you have to. (been there done that)
My next "have you thought of" applies to both of them... have you ever researched Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) or Asperger's? These kids are wired differently, think differently, develop differently. For those that have normal intellegence, they are often able to lead productive "normal" adult lives... it's just a challenge getting there.
If you're dealing with an Aspie, or even a kid with just some of the Aspie traits... punishments generally don't work. And most rewards fail, because we expect too much (accumulate success across a whole week or even a whole day) or are too vague ("be good all week"... ). For us, rewards worked if they were immediate, and of value to difficult child. For example, remain seated while you eat your supper, and you can have a scoop of ice cream with your desert. (notice... not until everyone else is done... initially that's expecting too much) We used them (still do sometimes) to help difficult child deal with a situation that is a major stretch.
Things that tend to help our differently-wired kids (with a range of dxes) include:
1) structure - for us, to the point of boring.
2) consistency - don't make a rule if you don't intend to ALWAYS make it a rule, and never break a rule unless you are discarding it. This also ties into the structure... because part of the structure will end up being rules.
3) The Explosive Child (Ross Greene) - got us thinking differently as adults.
Anyway... just some late-night ramblings.
Others will be along too.
