Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Hi All! II try to live my own life but he expects me to
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 728455" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Dramamama and welcome. I know it is hard on a mom when our adult teens act up and refuse to follow house rules.</p><p>It happened to me.</p><p>That was 20 years ago.</p><p>I had no other choice but to ask my daughter to leave. She made life for our household miserable, thought it was her “job” to stay up all night partying and sleep all day while we went to work. She was also verbally abusive. It was hell.</p><p>I don’t think there is anyway for a parent to “cope” with this kind of behavior. At 18, a grown child should be grateful for a roof over their heads, follow house rules and respect their parent.</p><p> Period.</p><p>We don’t do our adult kids any favors by allowing them to mistreat our homes and us.</p><p>I have my youngest daughter at home with me. She is 22. She follows house rules and is respectful.</p><p>I love all my children dearly, but I will not tolerate disrespect.</p><p>It’s not fair to you, DM, that you are so uncomfortable with your sons actions that you don’t want to be in your own home. It was that way for me too, as my two daughters would come and go through the years. I thought I was helping them, but it turned out that they were taking our kindness for granted, it was a way for them to continue partying and not be responsible for themselves. The disrespect turned to stealing money from our wallets and pawning the few pieces of heirloom jewelry I had. Then it became inviting their friends over to party while we were working. Then it was breaking in to our house if we weren’t home.</p><p> The list goes on and on.</p><p>You have value and worth, your home is supposed to be your sanctuary. Not a place to be verbally abused and taken advantage of.</p><p>I have five children. Two are wayward and would continue to use me to live their lifestyle, make irresponsible choices and let everyone else suffer their consequences.</p><p> It took awhile to figure that out.</p><p></p><p>My other two daughters are respectful. My son is 16, doing well and I pray he continues on a good path.</p><p></p><p>I think some kids reach adulthood and just automatically have respect for their parents. Some don’t, and will test and test and test.</p><p>The thing is, you have done your job. You raised your son. I understand helping kids out by having them live at home. It’s expensive out there, rent in my area is crazy.</p><p>My youngest daughter lives with me. She is 22. I expect her to help with living expenses and clean up after herself. If she were abusive and disrespectful, I would ask her to leave.</p><p>You don’t deserve to be mistreated and your son needs to know this.</p><p>Please don’t be offended by my reply. I understand your wanting to help your son. I think we Moms learn to sacrifice self many times over for our children.</p><p>Setting boundaries and keeping to them is important. If we don't, our d c's just continue to push the limits, until we are at a point where we are besides ourselves wondering what to do. They become like toddlers throwing tantrums.</p><p>If your son refuses to follow rules and respect you, what more can you do? I don't think there is anyway to cope with that. It is not fair to you, or him. He is showing you by his actions that he doesn't really want to be there.</p><p>Whatever you decide to do, keep posting. Most of us here have been right where you are at. There is no judgement, we are not experts, just folks who have been through similar difficulties, on different points on the journey.</p><p>I am sorry for your troubles. I know how hard it can be.</p><p>Please know that you are not alone.</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 728455, member: 19522"] Hi Dramamama and welcome. I know it is hard on a mom when our adult teens act up and refuse to follow house rules. It happened to me. That was 20 years ago. I had no other choice but to ask my daughter to leave. She made life for our household miserable, thought it was her “job” to stay up all night partying and sleep all day while we went to work. She was also verbally abusive. It was hell. I don’t think there is anyway for a parent to “cope” with this kind of behavior. At 18, a grown child should be grateful for a roof over their heads, follow house rules and respect their parent. Period. We don’t do our adult kids any favors by allowing them to mistreat our homes and us. I have my youngest daughter at home with me. She is 22. She follows house rules and is respectful. I love all my children dearly, but I will not tolerate disrespect. It’s not fair to you, DM, that you are so uncomfortable with your sons actions that you don’t want to be in your own home. It was that way for me too, as my two daughters would come and go through the years. I thought I was helping them, but it turned out that they were taking our kindness for granted, it was a way for them to continue partying and not be responsible for themselves. The disrespect turned to stealing money from our wallets and pawning the few pieces of heirloom jewelry I had. Then it became inviting their friends over to party while we were working. Then it was breaking in to our house if we weren’t home. The list goes on and on. You have value and worth, your home is supposed to be your sanctuary. Not a place to be verbally abused and taken advantage of. I have five children. Two are wayward and would continue to use me to live their lifestyle, make irresponsible choices and let everyone else suffer their consequences. It took awhile to figure that out. My other two daughters are respectful. My son is 16, doing well and I pray he continues on a good path. I think some kids reach adulthood and just automatically have respect for their parents. Some don’t, and will test and test and test. The thing is, you have done your job. You raised your son. I understand helping kids out by having them live at home. It’s expensive out there, rent in my area is crazy. My youngest daughter lives with me. She is 22. I expect her to help with living expenses and clean up after herself. If she were abusive and disrespectful, I would ask her to leave. You don’t deserve to be mistreated and your son needs to know this. Please don’t be offended by my reply. I understand your wanting to help your son. I think we Moms learn to sacrifice self many times over for our children. Setting boundaries and keeping to them is important. If we don't, our d c's just continue to push the limits, until we are at a point where we are besides ourselves wondering what to do. They become like toddlers throwing tantrums. If your son refuses to follow rules and respect you, what more can you do? I don't think there is anyway to cope with that. It is not fair to you, or him. He is showing you by his actions that he doesn't really want to be there. Whatever you decide to do, keep posting. Most of us here have been right where you are at. There is no judgement, we are not experts, just folks who have been through similar difficulties, on different points on the journey. I am sorry for your troubles. I know how hard it can be. Please know that you are not alone. (((HUGS))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Hi All! II try to live my own life but he expects me to
Top