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Hi I am new and need help, my wife and I are at our wits end
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<blockquote data-quote="SearchingForRainbows" data-source="post: 512879" data-attributes="member: 3388"><p>I agree! The best thing we ever did to help difficult child 1 was to move him out of our house shortly after his 18th birthday. We told him that since he was legally an adult, we no longer had to put up with his disrespectful behavior, that we were no longer going to support him financially, and that it was time for him to experience the world on his own. </p><p></p><p>Although he has an extremely high IQ, his grades weren't good enough to get him into most four year colleges. We encouraged him to go to a junior college not far from where we lived. Looking back, I think the main reason he agreed to attend this school was because he had never had a job, knew he needed a way to support himself financially, and figured out student loans would become his new best friend. </p><p></p><p>We found him an apartment, cosigned the lease (we had no choice), gave him first and last month's rent, the security deposit, his bedroom furniture, an old kitchen table and chairs, a microwave, some pots, pans, etc.., and food. Once we moved him in, we prayed we made the right decision and hoped for the best.</p><p></p><p>At the end of June, difficult child 1 will have been living on his own for three years. So much has happened in his life, some good, some bad, but, mostly good. He supplemented his college loans by fixing computers under the table. He graduated junior college (with lots of complaining about his "stupid" professors, how he is so much smarter than everyone else) last May. He moved out of state, started his own company (web design), didn't make it, endlessly pounded the pavement in search of work, bought his first car with his own money, found a wonderful job with an excellent starting salary and benefits, moved to an apartment with a water view, loves his job, his life, and is happier than he's ever been. And, almost forgot to add, my son and I are closer than we've ever been. We've shared some wonderful times together and truly enjoy each other's company. Of course, our time together will always have to be on his terms but that's OK. He is an amazing person, will always be a "difficult child" in some ways, but that's OK too. Now my husband and I pray daily that the "difficult child" part of him won't take over, destroy the life he's worked so hard to create...</p><p></p><p>Natural consequences combined with a hefty dose of reality can work!! SFR</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SearchingForRainbows, post: 512879, member: 3388"] I agree! The best thing we ever did to help difficult child 1 was to move him out of our house shortly after his 18th birthday. We told him that since he was legally an adult, we no longer had to put up with his disrespectful behavior, that we were no longer going to support him financially, and that it was time for him to experience the world on his own. Although he has an extremely high IQ, his grades weren't good enough to get him into most four year colleges. We encouraged him to go to a junior college not far from where we lived. Looking back, I think the main reason he agreed to attend this school was because he had never had a job, knew he needed a way to support himself financially, and figured out student loans would become his new best friend. We found him an apartment, cosigned the lease (we had no choice), gave him first and last month's rent, the security deposit, his bedroom furniture, an old kitchen table and chairs, a microwave, some pots, pans, etc.., and food. Once we moved him in, we prayed we made the right decision and hoped for the best. At the end of June, difficult child 1 will have been living on his own for three years. So much has happened in his life, some good, some bad, but, mostly good. He supplemented his college loans by fixing computers under the table. He graduated junior college (with lots of complaining about his "stupid" professors, how he is so much smarter than everyone else) last May. He moved out of state, started his own company (web design), didn't make it, endlessly pounded the pavement in search of work, bought his first car with his own money, found a wonderful job with an excellent starting salary and benefits, moved to an apartment with a water view, loves his job, his life, and is happier than he's ever been. And, almost forgot to add, my son and I are closer than we've ever been. We've shared some wonderful times together and truly enjoy each other's company. Of course, our time together will always have to be on his terms but that's OK. He is an amazing person, will always be a "difficult child" in some ways, but that's OK too. Now my husband and I pray daily that the "difficult child" part of him won't take over, destroy the life he's worked so hard to create... Natural consequences combined with a hefty dose of reality can work!! SFR [/QUOTE]
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Hi I am new and need help, my wife and I are at our wits end
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