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Parent Emeritus
Hi, new here....long post
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 456757"><p>I'm so very sorry. difficult child stands for Gift from God. There is good information like this on the main page. These children are challenging, but like it or not, we do tend to grow one way or the other from having them in our lives.</p><p></p><p>No one really knows the correct answers to these difficult questions. But, my gut is that you've done the best you could do. I really like that you have provided her with health insurance. It is great that she goes to planned parenthood! It would be fabulous if she went to see a therapist as well. YOu can encourage this, but as you well know, it would be foolish on your part to hold your breath.<u> Detachment is key </u>and it sounds like you have learned this well along the way. Is this it? Who knows, really. You might make it clear to her that you love her, but that you have no interest in the day to day trauma and drama that is her life. And, you are right, you absolutely should<u> NOT </u>tolerate lying and violence!</p><p></p><p>Move forward with your own life by being productive, doing things you enjoy, and associating with good, honest and caring people. </p><p></p><p>Don't concern yourself with what family and others think. If and when your daughter choses to behave appropriately around you, you might let her in your life accordingly. IF she keeps you out of the melodrama and is respectful, for example, you might meet her for lunch one day. The ball is in her court. </p><p></p><p>Don't waste your energy and time wishing and hoping for things that may or may not happen. Again, move forward...hold your head up high...enjoy life even with this in the background. Refuse to allow her "stuff," to interfere with your happiness and<strong><em> greatly (big time) limit your involvement in her life</em></strong> as long as she choses to disprect you and/or behave in any way that harms you.</p><p></p><p> YOu can open to door to more involvement in her life down the road if and when she choses to participate in life in a healthier manner. Test the waters at that time. In the mean time, try not to worry. Stay detached, calm, remove yourself from any drama and greatly limit your association with her if necessary.</p><p></p><p> Hope for the best, but understand that she is the one that has to get healthy...you can't do it for her.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 456757"] I'm so very sorry. difficult child stands for Gift from God. There is good information like this on the main page. These children are challenging, but like it or not, we do tend to grow one way or the other from having them in our lives. No one really knows the correct answers to these difficult questions. But, my gut is that you've done the best you could do. I really like that you have provided her with health insurance. It is great that she goes to planned parenthood! It would be fabulous if she went to see a therapist as well. YOu can encourage this, but as you well know, it would be foolish on your part to hold your breath.[U] Detachment is key [/U]and it sounds like you have learned this well along the way. Is this it? Who knows, really. You might make it clear to her that you love her, but that you have no interest in the day to day trauma and drama that is her life. And, you are right, you absolutely should[U] NOT [/U]tolerate lying and violence! Move forward with your own life by being productive, doing things you enjoy, and associating with good, honest and caring people. Don't concern yourself with what family and others think. If and when your daughter choses to behave appropriately around you, you might let her in your life accordingly. IF she keeps you out of the melodrama and is respectful, for example, you might meet her for lunch one day. The ball is in her court. Don't waste your energy and time wishing and hoping for things that may or may not happen. Again, move forward...hold your head up high...enjoy life even with this in the background. Refuse to allow her "stuff," to interfere with your happiness and[B][I] greatly (big time) limit your involvement in her life[/I][/B] as long as she choses to disprect you and/or behave in any way that harms you. YOu can open to door to more involvement in her life down the road if and when she choses to participate in life in a healthier manner. Test the waters at that time. In the mean time, try not to worry. Stay detached, calm, remove yourself from any drama and greatly limit your association with her if necessary. Hope for the best, but understand that she is the one that has to get healthy...you can't do it for her. [/QUOTE]
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