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<blockquote data-quote="bluebell" data-source="post: 623930" data-attributes="member: 16761"><p>I am struggling with so much of this, maybe because I am just a few years into this. I was just called home from work by my daughter - difficult child and his dad were fighting. I drive home, with 'victim' mentalilty running thru my head. 'What will difficult child destroy that I have to pay for?' 'Who is going to get arrested?' husband seems to have been able to walk away from this one and it is calm at home right now. I feel like so much of my 'spiritual journey' has been sidelined by what others throw in my path. I am in constant 'reaction' mode and husband accuses me of 'over-reacting'. But it may be that I will see this more clearly as the distance between this need for me to be the 'umpire' and 'savior' to everyone's failings. When will I be able to focus on ME?</p><p></p><p>My difficult child still (yes it's something 8 year olds say) says that he didn't ask to be born. Maybe it's my ego getting in the way but I've always responded with 'Well neither did I, what's that have to do with anything?' But I don't remember ever feeling that way towards my parents. I remember feeling extremely lucky that I lived in the United States and not starving in Africa, and believe me I was not privileged and my parents were flawed and fallible. That child is still in the 'garden' and the weeds are getting high... </p><p></p><p>Just rambling I suppose, but I feel better now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="bluebell, post: 623930, member: 16761"] I am struggling with so much of this, maybe because I am just a few years into this. I was just called home from work by my daughter - difficult child and his dad were fighting. I drive home, with 'victim' mentalilty running thru my head. 'What will difficult child destroy that I have to pay for?' 'Who is going to get arrested?' husband seems to have been able to walk away from this one and it is calm at home right now. I feel like so much of my 'spiritual journey' has been sidelined by what others throw in my path. I am in constant 'reaction' mode and husband accuses me of 'over-reacting'. But it may be that I will see this more clearly as the distance between this need for me to be the 'umpire' and 'savior' to everyone's failings. When will I be able to focus on ME? My difficult child still (yes it's something 8 year olds say) says that he didn't ask to be born. Maybe it's my ego getting in the way but I've always responded with 'Well neither did I, what's that have to do with anything?' But I don't remember ever feeling that way towards my parents. I remember feeling extremely lucky that I lived in the United States and not starving in Africa, and believe me I was not privileged and my parents were flawed and fallible. That child is still in the 'garden' and the weeds are getting high... Just rambling I suppose, but I feel better now. [/QUOTE]
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