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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 624039" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>I see that. I haven't been at that particular place yet Cedar, but I see that. Everything extraneous falls away and you are left with basic raw truth. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, this is the stuff of real everyday life. The stuff our difficult children don't want to do. The stuff we do want to do because that is part of being an adult. These are the basic responsibilities of life, and then when all of this other pain and heartbreak is heaped on top of these things, and it keeps going on and on and on and on for years, we can't do it all. We are not built to do it all. And again, I think that is God's way of trying to make us see. I have read from older women (even older than me, lol!) on this forum who have tried to do it all and today they are without what they need---health, financial resources, emotional strength---to live their own lives, and I ask myself, is that what I am going to do? And the answer is no. It doesn't help. I see that clearly. It does not help anybody to do that. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, Echo, this is the hard hard stuff. Being present with our children, like you were on the phone yesterday. Bearing witness to his pain, and then after you hung up, saying all of the things just right, like you did---not taking it on and saving him---then you have to life with that phone call and your own child's pain. And if it just happened every so often, like with PCs, then, that is normal, right? That is regular kids. But this, this is always bad news. When their name flashes up on our phone, our insides tighten. What, this time? What now? </p><p></p><p>I don't know. I hate to say it like this---it sounds cold and harsh---but I am sick to death of this merry go round. I really am. </p><p></p><p>I have been playing some conversations with my son (isn't that productive?) in my head where I say: No, I am not bailing you out because actually, I think you are right where you need to be. You don't live by society's rules and so you have to be in jail. You can't go 60 days without being homeless or in jail. Society can't and doesn't have to deal with that, and should not. </p><p></p><p>And so, if you go to prison, that is what you have chosen by your actions. That's the way it's going to be, from what I have seen from you in the past several years, until YOU decide to change. All bs and excuses and reasons aside, it's YOU who has to do something different. </p><p></p><p>Call me when you decide to.</p><p></p><p>That's where I am in my own head. Ugh. I don't even like rereading that, but it's the gospel truth. </p><p></p><p>Glad he doesn't have a phone right now because I just might be ready to say this right now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 624039, member: 17542"] I see that. I haven't been at that particular place yet Cedar, but I see that. Everything extraneous falls away and you are left with basic raw truth. Yes, this is the stuff of real everyday life. The stuff our difficult children don't want to do. The stuff we do want to do because that is part of being an adult. These are the basic responsibilities of life, and then when all of this other pain and heartbreak is heaped on top of these things, and it keeps going on and on and on and on for years, we can't do it all. We are not built to do it all. And again, I think that is God's way of trying to make us see. I have read from older women (even older than me, lol!) on this forum who have tried to do it all and today they are without what they need---health, financial resources, emotional strength---to live their own lives, and I ask myself, is that what I am going to do? And the answer is no. It doesn't help. I see that clearly. It does not help anybody to do that. Yes, Echo, this is the hard hard stuff. Being present with our children, like you were on the phone yesterday. Bearing witness to his pain, and then after you hung up, saying all of the things just right, like you did---not taking it on and saving him---then you have to life with that phone call and your own child's pain. And if it just happened every so often, like with PCs, then, that is normal, right? That is regular kids. But this, this is always bad news. When their name flashes up on our phone, our insides tighten. What, this time? What now? I don't know. I hate to say it like this---it sounds cold and harsh---but I am sick to death of this merry go round. I really am. I have been playing some conversations with my son (isn't that productive?) in my head where I say: No, I am not bailing you out because actually, I think you are right where you need to be. You don't live by society's rules and so you have to be in jail. You can't go 60 days without being homeless or in jail. Society can't and doesn't have to deal with that, and should not. And so, if you go to prison, that is what you have chosen by your actions. That's the way it's going to be, from what I have seen from you in the past several years, until YOU decide to change. All bs and excuses and reasons aside, it's YOU who has to do something different. Call me when you decide to. That's where I am in my own head. Ugh. I don't even like rereading that, but it's the gospel truth. Glad he doesn't have a phone right now because I just might be ready to say this right now. [/QUOTE]
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