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homeless daughter and son in jail
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<blockquote data-quote="Jabberwockey" data-source="post: 700247" data-attributes="member: 18238"><p>Glad to hear it! Like I said, being excessively blunt is an occupational hazard for me.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That's odd. In Missouri it doesn't matter if you're on an offenders visiting list or not when it comes to putting money on their books. But, different state means different operating procedures.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Definitely don't take collect calls, but if your state is on the JPay system then you should be able to just buy him minutes yourself, without having to send him money. Sending him money just gives him the opportunity to spend it on something not intended.</p><p></p><p>Oh, and tell him to PROTECT HIS PERSONAL IDENTIFICATION NUMBER!!! Other offenders will try to look over his shoulder to get it or will try to con him out of it. Once they have his pin, they can use his phone minutes and possibly even buy more with his money and use them as well. Tell him to treat it like a password. Don't give it to ANYBODY, don't write it down, and change it often.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Because you're his mom. We've had this discussion here before. A dad's instinct is to prepare them then step back and assist, if needed, when they fall. A mom's instinct is to nurture. The problem with this is that preparation eventually ends, nurturing doesn't so sometimes its a LOT harder for the mom to let go and watch her son or daughter fail. Notice I didn't say child. I'm not sure how old your son is but you are on the Emeritus board and he's in prison so he's an adult and at a point where he should be responsible for his own actions and mistakes.</p><p></p><p>When it got really bad with our son and I was at the end of my rope, I called my mom and dad for advice. They were at our house the next morning (I had called them after 9 pm or I'm certain they'd have been there that night). They came running because they knew that, as a Responsible Adult, I had exhausted every idea that I could think of before calling them because this is what Responsible Adults do. Our son hits the most minor snag in life and calls his mom, freaking out, screaming, and basically throws a tantrum trying (either consciously or subconsciously) to get mom to fix it for him. This isn't healthy. He doesn't realize it yet but Lil does. It doesn't change the fact that its VERY difficult for her to not try to fix it for him. We are putting our son on a train tonight to Colorado, his choice. He's running from his problems. We told him we WONT purchase him a return ticket. We both realize that he will probably be crying to come back within a month, when that happens Lil will have a very difficult time not just buying him the ticket even though she swears right now that she wont. She acknowledges to me that she will have difficulty at that time.</p><p></p><p>When he starts calling you, crying for you to fix it for him just remember that he is your ADULT son and not your little boy. Yes, easier said than done. Good luck and keep asking questions!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jabberwockey, post: 700247, member: 18238"] Glad to hear it! Like I said, being excessively blunt is an occupational hazard for me. That's odd. In Missouri it doesn't matter if you're on an offenders visiting list or not when it comes to putting money on their books. But, different state means different operating procedures. Definitely don't take collect calls, but if your state is on the JPay system then you should be able to just buy him minutes yourself, without having to send him money. Sending him money just gives him the opportunity to spend it on something not intended. Oh, and tell him to PROTECT HIS PERSONAL IDENTIFICATION NUMBER!!! Other offenders will try to look over his shoulder to get it or will try to con him out of it. Once they have his pin, they can use his phone minutes and possibly even buy more with his money and use them as well. Tell him to treat it like a password. Don't give it to ANYBODY, don't write it down, and change it often. Because you're his mom. We've had this discussion here before. A dad's instinct is to prepare them then step back and assist, if needed, when they fall. A mom's instinct is to nurture. The problem with this is that preparation eventually ends, nurturing doesn't so sometimes its a LOT harder for the mom to let go and watch her son or daughter fail. Notice I didn't say child. I'm not sure how old your son is but you are on the Emeritus board and he's in prison so he's an adult and at a point where he should be responsible for his own actions and mistakes. When it got really bad with our son and I was at the end of my rope, I called my mom and dad for advice. They were at our house the next morning (I had called them after 9 pm or I'm certain they'd have been there that night). They came running because they knew that, as a Responsible Adult, I had exhausted every idea that I could think of before calling them because this is what Responsible Adults do. Our son hits the most minor snag in life and calls his mom, freaking out, screaming, and basically throws a tantrum trying (either consciously or subconsciously) to get mom to fix it for him. This isn't healthy. He doesn't realize it yet but Lil does. It doesn't change the fact that its VERY difficult for her to not try to fix it for him. We are putting our son on a train tonight to Colorado, his choice. He's running from his problems. We told him we WONT purchase him a return ticket. We both realize that he will probably be crying to come back within a month, when that happens Lil will have a very difficult time not just buying him the ticket even though she swears right now that she wont. She acknowledges to me that she will have difficulty at that time. When he starts calling you, crying for you to fix it for him just remember that he is your ADULT son and not your little boy. Yes, easier said than done. Good luck and keep asking questions! [/QUOTE]
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