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homeless daughter and son in jail
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 700295" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>At 49 he has been on the streets long enough yo know places to get warm. On top of shelters, there are Walmarts/Walgreens open 24/7, laundromats, libraries during the day...he has been at this for more than half his life. He doesn't need you driving him around. He can walk.</p><p></p><p>I'm a mom too, but my 38 year old son, who is difficult, can not count on me to take care of him. He's a father himself. I will talk to him. That's hard enough at times as he can be very disrespetful.</p><p></p><p>I start the painful letting go process when my kids are 16 or 17. Even my autistic son...it is harder with him but we always bit our tongues and them him do for himself for HIS good. He is 23, works half a day, collects some SSI, lives and pays for his own apartment and bills and is shockingly happy, balanced and I'm often told he is the nicest person people know. We adopted him at two. He was born with Crack in his system and syphilis and had open heart surgery at five weeks. The doctor was amazing. His cardiologist sees nothing wrong with his heart. THIS Child NEVER quiT trying to do everything and I was nervous but I hid it. And let him fail and get up and try again.</p><p></p><p>He had tons of strikes against him, another being that he is African American and plenty of people still wreak of prejudice. But he has a life and friends, a job and his own place. And while I have the instinct to coddle him, i dont. I treat him as if he is perfectly normal and can take care of himsrlf. I think we all need to bite our tongues and let them fall or one day they will reuse to even try to get up. They will feel self pity and helplessness.</p><p></p><p>My autistic son feels none of that.</p><p></p><p>When we cry and fret over our kids who are over 18, and the older they are, the worse I think it is...they get more and more used to our coddling and monetary support...we hurt ourselves and I think we don't help them either.</p><p></p><p>Your son knows how to live on the street, if he has to or just refuses to stop the drugs he's lived dangerously for decades. He will survive. Maybe he will finally grow up and you will find peace. Same for 46 year old daughter.</p><p></p><p>They may not be walking a path you like, but they do know how to survive. Surely it is easier if mom will throw money at them. But if you dont, they know how to survive.</p><p></p><p>Do either of them worry about YOU? Your health? Your financial situation? Your lonliness? Your happiness? They and you are at ages where normal, nice adult children start to worry about us. Do your kids ever express concern for you above their own lives? Your very sirvival? If you feel well? What the doctor says?</p><p></p><p>After all you have done and still do and with them being older too, if they don't think about your welfare...that is truly tragic.</p><p></p><p>You deserve better.</p><p></p><p>Hugs!!</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 700295, member: 1550"] At 49 he has been on the streets long enough yo know places to get warm. On top of shelters, there are Walmarts/Walgreens open 24/7, laundromats, libraries during the day...he has been at this for more than half his life. He doesn't need you driving him around. He can walk. I'm a mom too, but my 38 year old son, who is difficult, can not count on me to take care of him. He's a father himself. I will talk to him. That's hard enough at times as he can be very disrespetful. I start the painful letting go process when my kids are 16 or 17. Even my autistic son...it is harder with him but we always bit our tongues and them him do for himself for HIS good. He is 23, works half a day, collects some SSI, lives and pays for his own apartment and bills and is shockingly happy, balanced and I'm often told he is the nicest person people know. We adopted him at two. He was born with Crack in his system and syphilis and had open heart surgery at five weeks. The doctor was amazing. His cardiologist sees nothing wrong with his heart. THIS Child NEVER quiT trying to do everything and I was nervous but I hid it. And let him fail and get up and try again. He had tons of strikes against him, another being that he is African American and plenty of people still wreak of prejudice. But he has a life and friends, a job and his own place. And while I have the instinct to coddle him, i dont. I treat him as if he is perfectly normal and can take care of himsrlf. I think we all need to bite our tongues and let them fall or one day they will reuse to even try to get up. They will feel self pity and helplessness. My autistic son feels none of that. When we cry and fret over our kids who are over 18, and the older they are, the worse I think it is...they get more and more used to our coddling and monetary support...we hurt ourselves and I think we don't help them either. Your son knows how to live on the street, if he has to or just refuses to stop the drugs he's lived dangerously for decades. He will survive. Maybe he will finally grow up and you will find peace. Same for 46 year old daughter. They may not be walking a path you like, but they do know how to survive. Surely it is easier if mom will throw money at them. But if you dont, they know how to survive. Do either of them worry about YOU? Your health? Your financial situation? Your lonliness? Your happiness? They and you are at ages where normal, nice adult children start to worry about us. Do your kids ever express concern for you above their own lives? Your very sirvival? If you feel well? What the doctor says? After all you have done and still do and with them being older too, if they don't think about your welfare...that is truly tragic. You deserve better. Hugs!! . [/QUOTE]
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