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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 752592" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>M has said so very many times, and he's right, that the only place in life where my J has control and power, is over us. Especially, me. I am wondering Beta if Josh is the same, with you. You are his safe place. You are the one in his life who has loved him unconditionally. And no matter what he does or where he goes you continue loving him.</p><p></p><p>Remember the book Runaway Bunny? Where the mama bunny followed her baby to the ends of the earth? That is the wish of a child of 3 or so who begins to want to explore, but at the same time fears separation from his mother. Thus the popularity of the book.</p><p></p><p>These relationship traumas we are having with our adult children pull on these vestigial fears for our children <em>and for us. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p>They trigger us.</p><p></p><p>Josh needs to separate. He's an adult. But he's engulfed with all sorts of emotions, some related to his illness, others related to his history and circumstances. All of it mixes together and becomes vulnerable and confused and furious. In an inappropriate way he gets some kind of control over this toxic mix of emotions through rageful and mean behavior towards you. It's a coping mechanism. I'm not condoning it. I'm just saying what I think it is.</p><p></p><p>While my son does not do the same exact thing, he has his own version. Maybe passive aggressive. Resistant. Manipulation.</p><p></p><p>If you know that Josh is not doing well with your contacts, to me, backing off makes sense. Trust me, Beta. He knows how deep is your love for him. If you were to back off, your love for him will not go away. Nor will his for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 752592, member: 18958"] M has said so very many times, and he's right, that the only place in life where my J has control and power, is over us. Especially, me. I am wondering Beta if Josh is the same, with you. You are his safe place. You are the one in his life who has loved him unconditionally. And no matter what he does or where he goes you continue loving him. Remember the book Runaway Bunny? Where the mama bunny followed her baby to the ends of the earth? That is the wish of a child of 3 or so who begins to want to explore, but at the same time fears separation from his mother. Thus the popularity of the book. These relationship traumas we are having with our adult children pull on these vestigial fears for our children [I]and for us. [/I] They trigger us. Josh needs to separate. He's an adult. But he's engulfed with all sorts of emotions, some related to his illness, others related to his history and circumstances. All of it mixes together and becomes vulnerable and confused and furious. In an inappropriate way he gets some kind of control over this toxic mix of emotions through rageful and mean behavior towards you. It's a coping mechanism. I'm not condoning it. I'm just saying what I think it is. While my son does not do the same exact thing, he has his own version. Maybe passive aggressive. Resistant. Manipulation. If you know that Josh is not doing well with your contacts, to me, backing off makes sense. Trust me, Beta. He knows how deep is your love for him. If you were to back off, your love for him will not go away. Nor will his for you. [/QUOTE]
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